Friday, December 29, 2006

Blogger Beta is a Gaybow

Don't switch over to the new version of blogger, or else you won't be able to post comments on Cleansmanship. Thanks for the Birthday post Matt, and yes its true, I am still alive, and I have almost finished completion of my human brain/computer interface module.

I just need to pick what color I want to paint it, check some long division for my neural data transfer device & waterproof that sucker for after the melting of the icecaps, around 5,000 years from now. I hope that I can somehow invent an intergalactic drive or something to get me off this rock before it gets engulfed by the sun, in another however many million years.

May the New Year bring all of you prosperity, fortitude, girth & viscosity.

fx over n out





Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Happy Birthday Cy!!!!

I'm deeply disappointed that I can't express this in person, but I thought I'd send a shout out to my good friend Cy on his birthday. The good thing is he's several hours behind me, so instead of just getting this message out before his birthday expired, i'm hitting it right in the middle of his day. I'm a little drunk, so in a rare display of emotion, I'd like to say "Cy, we miss you in SB." There, now I'm done with feelings. Happy Birthday.

- matthew Q

Monday, December 25, 2006

I got an XBOX 360.

Gears of War = Teh Ski

Sunday, December 24, 2006

All I want for Christmas...

It would be pretty sweet if Kevin, Josh, or Cy ended up in SB. I'm guessing Cy is out. Kevin, Josh???

Friday, December 22, 2006

Video Games

7h3r3'5 4n 4w350m3 3p150d3 0f Fu7ur4m4 0n r16h7 n0w 7h47 f347ur35 Fry p|4y1n6 4 5p4c3 1nv4d3r5-|1k3 64m3, bu7 17'5 f0r r34|.



4nyh0w, 1 h4v3 bu7 0n3 m0r3 d4y 0f w0rk, 4nd 1'm fr33 f0r 4 c0up|3 0f w33k5. V4cc4710n 15 0h 50 5w337. 17'5 71m35 |1k3 7h15 1'm 6|4d 1'm 4 734ch3r. 7h3 07h3r n1n3 m0n7h5, n07 50 much.



5p34k1n6 0f w1n3, 1 ju57 dr4nk 50m3. 1 0n|y p057 wh3n 1 dr1nk. Wh1ch 15 600d, c0n51d3r1n6 h0w 1nfr3qu3n7 7h353 p0575 4r3.



1 w45 p|4y1n6 Z3|d4 111, 4 |1nk 70 7h3 P457 34r|13r 0n my D5, 4nd 1'm n07 qu173 5ur3 why 1'm 73||1n6 y0u 7h47.



17'5 4 600d 64m3. R34||y. H4v3 y0u p|4y3d 17? 60 p|4y 17.



Wh0 h3r3 |1k35 mu51c? 1 |0v3 mu51c. Y0u 700? 53r10u5|y? 7h47'5 50 w31rd.



1f 1 r3-p057 7h15 70 my c0mmun14| b|06, w1|| my c0-b|0663r5 f33| r1pp3d-0ff 1n 50m3 w4y?

Monday, December 18, 2006

I posted this on Craigslist a while ago...

[Some poeople didn't realize it was a joke, even though I say it is at the end.]

----

Subject: God of Rock seeks collaboration.

If you still subsist on mortal chops, avert your eyes for your brain shall be melted upon apprehending my technical viruosity. I regularly play 1/64th note scale runs at 160 bpm, and thats only for warm up. I only jam with people that can keep up with the chord progressions that I spontaneously generate in my head and communicate in real time. Charts are for pussies. If you want a piece of this you'd better be skilled up the taint with chops and knowledge of theory applenty. You must double on at least two other instruments, one of which must be percussion, one of which must be electronic based. You must either have all your own equipment or rent some from my personal treasure trove of sweet guitars, vintage amps, keys, fx, strings, brass, etc. I've been playing for longer than I've been alive so if you are a sucktard you'd best keep your sorry soggy jams sealed up hermetically within your own personal domicile of aural mediocrity.

Here's the flow we would be on:
Neil Diamond
Fugees
Bee Gees
Radiohead
Matchbox 20

Indie/emo/screamo/punk/xxxmetalxxx/yyymetalyyy/reggae/gaycore/slutrock/tamborinejams
/ska/jazz/blues/metal sissie's need not apply. The majority of our work together will consist in furious and meticulous recreations of Paco De Lucia guitar solos from which we will extract nuggets of tonal expression which will later be reimplemented/arranged as a suite of extended non-diatonic 'tone poems'. If that sounds weird or intimidating, then go the hell back to the fifties and plod out some I-IV-V's!!!




BTW: This is all BS but it was fun to write. Consider it satire on the ego-laden character of some of the posts on this list.

---

[Someguy thought it was funny and said he'd be down to jam, but that never happened.]

Friday, December 15, 2006

For some reason I can't add comments to the previous post

The nerdy blogger sat at his crudely constructed laptop station in his humble Honolulu apartment, which was situated on a wooden desk he had found in the street, while sitting on a chair he had found in the street.

After engaging in some machine-constructed spliffery that involved tokability of a furious sort - not unlike a man flailing for a bottle of prune juice after eating Polonium and Jelly sandwiches - he sat to type, knowing for sure he had it in him to come up with hot material for the blog story.

Should I continue the escapades of conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh and various NFL personalities in their quest for more drugs, he pondered, whilst contemplating the significance of Matthew Q's picture. Or, should I go with a UFO abduction twist ending, where the mothership descends upon the crack house and lifts all to travel the outer reaches of the universe... the choices flowed freely, like bacterium in the vegetables of a dirty restaurant.

Instead, the blogger thought it'd be best to go with the self-referential, multiversal-crystallizing ending, while throwing in something about the multiverse for good measure, and hoping that just maybe that in itself would promptly awaken K-Minor into taking action with a fourth and completing post.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Where were you Kevin Minor?

Kevin Minor, do you know where we were 10 years ago today? How about 9 years ago? That's what I thought...

Continue This Story

Donovan NcNabb took to one final drag from his cock-shaped crack pipe before falling into bed.

"It ain't easy being me.", he muttered, curling into the fetal position.

"Computer. Music. Kid-A."

Donovan's high-powered, voice-controlled computer system responded to his command in less than 30 milliseconds by piping "Everything In Its Right Place" into the room.

Donovan started to rock slowly from side to side as the warm tones washed over his crack-infused conciousness.

McKnabb's life goal had always been to acquire enough money to purchase a lifetime supply of crack then retire.

He had made it and was now living the dream.

Suddenly came a knock on the bedroom door.

...

[Someone add more stuff here.]

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Trivial Post

Best Muse song?
I say "Knights of Cydonia" because when I'm at the gym and the burn is real cavernous and domestic, and I feel like giving into the hatred of the terrorist, thus letting the terrorist win, that glorious epic comes on and gives me six more minutes on the treadmill, thus lessening the impact on my liver and lungs from all the dirty fucking filth I put in there.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Happy Birthday LY-DON!

First, an uncommonly good YTMND: http://youtouchmywiiwii.ytmnd.com/
Second, birthday wishes are in order for John Titor's long lost cousin.
Matt, you raging bull of possessed pedantry! You peddler of warez both big and small. You complete the universe.

Here's some stuff that you've probably already heard about:

Similarly-titled organizations have led to legitimate confusion over whose decals stand for what. To the left we have the logo for the "National Organization for European-American Rights," a white supremacist group run by ex-Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke that acronymizes its name as N.O.F.E.A.R. To the right is the logo for No Fear, Inc., an international retailer who markets its popular youth-directed apparel and accessories under the brand "No Fear." The decals are markedly different in appearance, as is the message each is meant to convey.

The retailer whose logo is now being confused with that of a white supremacist group, No Fear, Inc., is a California-based manufacturer of young men's activewear and gear that has been in business since 1989. It currently employs 150 people, and its products are sold at outlets around the world.

As for what N.O.F.E.A.R. is about, according to David Duke, this group's mission is to fight what he says is widespread discrimination against white people of European descent:

"We maintain that the civil rights of European Americans are being violated by affirmative action, forced integration, and anti-European immigration policies. Blacks, Mexicans, Jews and other ethnic minorities have many organizations that work for their perceived interests."
In other words, they're quite different kettles of fish.
In February 2000, No Fear, Inc. filed suit against David Duke, claiming he infringed on their company's trademark by calling his one-month-old White-rights group N.O.F.E.A.R.

Duke denies his organization's name violates No Fear, Inc.'s trademark rights. "The name of the organization is the National Organization for European American Rights," Duke said. "And if somebody uses the letters, that's not what we're about. That's just the initials of our organization."

One wonders how the courts will view this claim, especially in light of one of Duke's earliest actions on behalf of his new organization. During an address broadcast on C-SPAN on 22 January 2000, while standing before a sign bearing the Web address NOFEAR.NET, he capped a speech that mixed themes of genetics, God, and the defense of European culture with: "That's why NOFEAR exists." For a fellow who wants to defend his group from a trademark infringement suit by claiming the acronym formed from his organization's title is merely coincidental, he's going about it in a bizarre manner.

Did Duke know about No Fear, Inc., at the time he selected a name for his white supremacist group? He says not. Does this ultimately matter? Probably not. No Fear, Inc., looks to have a strong case that its trademark has been violated, and certainly that consumers have been genuinely confused by N.O.F.E.A.R.'s actions and stated goals.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I'm glad God created different languages so that we could laugh at bad translations

ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG



1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough examination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Monday, December 04, 2006

License To Sleigh: Bond Saves Christmas

War!

The holidays are in jeopardy.

Santa Claus, striking from a hidden rebel base, has turned to the dark side and is selling British defense secrets to the Iranians.

Jolly Ol' St Nick also has plans to distribute toxic polonium pancakes instead of presents.

Just imagine little Sally and Billy biting into XMAS breakfast and receiving a mouthful of untraceable, radioactive death.

There is a high probability that Christmas cheer will be at an all time low.

Bond has only 24 hours to put Citizen Kringle in a shallow grave and deliver complimentary XBOX 360s to the children of the world.

Rated NC-17: For extreme fisting and unbridled pwnage.

Creative Exercise #1

You guys should write comment/stories for the below picture; I'll start it off. Your story doesn't have to be related to mine.



Thursday, November 30, 2006

Paging Cyrus Fx...

You should go http://www.Em411.com and post some tracks. Its a sweet electronic music community that I am kind of a part of. Dont know why I didnt email you about this instead of posting here.

also:

http://gwbushrape.ytmd.com should exist.

Vader owns Jude Law.

Yes, this is a link.

You may need a fairly hot CPU for the audio sync to work well when it loops.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Drinking on a Tueday Night

Who decided that our drinking should be limited to weekends? If I work all day, then host a club in my room, and finally work in the library for two hours, I think it's a perfectly healthy decision to drink most of a bottle of wine.

Other burning questions:
Who the hell is behind "the War on Christmas"?
Who's ready to fight me?
Is the new Bond movie actually good?
Who's your favorite high school English teacher?
How was your Thankgiving? (Like I care)
Why don't people understand that Borat is the funniest moviefilm of all time?
How did I resist the call of Taco Bell on the way home from the library this evening?
Why are we still in Iraq?
If God is so smart, why did he create ants?
It's cold here. That's not a question.
Why aren't my "support our troops" stickers helping us in the war on terror?
Why are old Final Fantasy games better than new RPGs?
At 5-6 and a four game winning-streak under their collective belt, can the Dolphins still make the playoffs?
My parents want to buy Sarah and I some sort of home entertainment system - how should I advise them?
Xbox 360 or Wii?
What's up with my bias against Sony? What did Sony ever do to me?
Matt, what's up with my bachelor party?
And finally, how's this?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Shite

I understand.
It seems to you that the world has gone insane.
But how can you really be sure that it's not just you that has gone insane?
The world out there is still functioning normally, but your perception of it is so altered as to make you think that everything has gone to hell.
The most important thing for us to do right now is try to pin down at what point, and for what reason, you came off your hinges and started drifting out of touch with reality.
Was it a single traumatic event or was it a slow process of disassociation?
Did anyone around you notice that something was off?
Did you ever try to get help?
When was the first time you questioned your own sanity?
Do you have a family history of mental illness?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Young Jeezy wuz Here



This is a couple blocks from my apartment. I wish I could come up with a better caption, but it pretty much speaks for itself.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Monday, November 20, 2006

Sidious of the sea.

Memory Test

Who here remembers the 10-digit code to fight Mike Tyson?

I do. I'm just testing you guys.

The Sweet Release of Death



No, this wasn't taken around here -- off South Africa I believe.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Return of the Rat

MatthewQ gets up, dusts himself off.

"Wow, that was some hole I fell into".

I just read this on a Star Wars message board

ROLF!!!

The proper way to watch the saga is 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, watching all the films backwards using the rewind feature on your DVD player. The reason is because Star Wars films, like Beatles records, contain hidden messages and facts about the movies that are only revealed when viewing the movies backwards, such as:

“Boba Fett’s helmet and armor were originally built out of paper mache by George Lucas in the third grade for a school play.”

“Peter Mayhew didn’t have to wear a suit to play Chewbacca on the big screen, he just had to get constant haircuts to keep his hair the correct length.”

“Half of the budget for the original Star Wars was spent on hiring NASA to launch a second sun into orbit in order to properly film the famous ‘binary sunset’ scene. The second half of the budget was spent on cruise missiles to blow up the sun the next day. To this day we still don’t know which sun they shot down.”

“Darth Maul was not played by an actor, but was rather an actual demon that was possessing Rick McCallum’s waffle iron. After Rick performed the exorcism, he recommended the demon to George Lucas for the part.”

“While you were wasting your time watching these movies backwards, I stole your wallet and slept with your significant other/life partner.”

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Original Question

(this was culled and sanitized (or de-insanitized) from an archival blog of mine a couple years back, where I headily attempt to define man's "Original Question")

"The One Big Question," or, "The Biggest Question," is the final common denominator of all questions ever asked by mankind in linguistic form, and might best be posed as:



Why is there anything at all?

The point of understanding the concept of The One Big Question is to make the realization that every old question that has been answered generates a new question, one which deconstructs the presupposition and premise of the answer, and now begs its own individual, different answer. When we were kids, this concept is best know as the “Why Game,” where every answer to a question begs another question, “Well, why is that?”

For example, take the simple question,

"Why am I writing this?”
-Because I am bored at work.
“Why am I bored at work?”
-Because there is nothing to do at this particular moment.
“Why is there nothing for you to do?”
-Because I seek out the bare minimum of work to do.
“Why do you do that?”
-Because it is in my human nature.
“Why is it in your human nature?”
-Because I inherited such genes from my parents that are essential to the makeup of my work ethic (or lack thereof).
“Why did you inherit such genes?”
-Because of the unfolding of cosmic fate in such a way.
“Why did fate unfold in such a way?”
-Because of the initial conditions set at the time of the big bang, which brought forth anything and everything at all.
“Why is there anything at all?”
-Beats me. There just is.

The answer to The Biggest Question is always very unflattering - and it will remain so - but any question asked by man can be reduced in this manner through sequential deconstruction of presuppositions in our layers of reality.

(For about 5 years now, I've pondered why there is ANYTHING at all. Why did "time" happen in the first place, when its much simpler and easier to envision NOTHING happening EVER?)


8. Relatively soon afterwards, I was born and had to get a job.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I'm lacking in patience
I'm rollin' on musty floorboards
I'm barely surviving in this place
Cobwebs and sharp heels
Thousand cuts on each leg
I'm overidulgent and overlysane
I'm killing the mood and disgracing the sacred space
Do you follow my lies back to the tributaries?
Do you fall asleep on your feet with partial connections?
I'm an intense study of impartial best practices
I'm a ragin' confession with pencil black eyes

R-Fed

Roger Federer unloaded on the tennis ball with an authoritative forehand stroke that sent it screaming down the line.

"Fuck yes, bitches!", he screamed in a Swiss accent.

He then ran to the bench and from his bag pulled a 24 oz bottle of Fosters, which he proceeded to pound.

Roger had found that the only way to keep tennis interesting, and to allow his opponents a chance, was to get totally ripped during matches.

He finished off the beverage then trotted back onto the court, wiping the suds from his upper lip.

"Now I have had seven beers and I am going to fuck you up in your ass, my friend, because I am the most skilled and professional tennis champion in the world."

Roger had also blazed huge before the match, having found that a little THC primer laid a solid groundwork for the procession of beers that inevitably followed.

Of course, the chair umpires and other officials had resisted at first, but Roger simply destroyed all those who opposed him, until ultimately, fear kept the local systems in line. Fear of this tennis player.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Rumsfeld's Greatest Hits

I was thinking about calling up Rush Limbaugh, getting on the program by pretending to be a rare Hawaii Republican, and then just saying, "Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...." But then I heard the announcement about Donny Rumsfeld and decided that would be just cruel.

So, as a parting tribute, and in memoriam, here is a list of

Don Rumsfeld's Greatest Hits:

Track Listing:

1. "Abu Ghraib Ass and Squirrel"

2. "Three Squares a Day at Gitmo Bay"

3. "What Insurgency?"

4. "One Of My Troops is Better Than Two Of Yours"

5. "Body Armor Blues"

6. "Back Off - Its Complicated!"

7. "I Serve to Pleasure the President"

8. "How to Be A General Without Fighting in a War"

9. "Auto-Penning the Deaths of Men"

10. "You Can Help Me By Fucking Off"



"Everyone duck, except for the bad guys."

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Two Hands

California Gubernatorial candidate Ross "Two Hands" Nimmelman had this to say on election morning:

"I believe in the principle of the idea of the paradigm that every American, regardless of sexual preference, employment status, brain power, chest circumference, or sexual preference, should be able to have a turkey sandwich, whenever they want one and with whomever they enjoy eating, while watching whatever program they might want to watch, that is if they have access to a television and are into watching TV while eating. Period!"

"Old Two Hands" then displayed his two, well-formed hands for the crowd, drawing raucous applause.

Ross continued, "Let me show you what I'm talking about. Hmmm... I'm feeling a bit hungry."

An aid then rushed to Nimmelman's side and served him a turkey sandwich.

Nimmelman took a hearty bite then grinned at the cameras and spoke, with condiments still dripping from his teeth: "It's that simple, people!"

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Finish your beer

-I have many thoughts
-That's it?
-Do you want to hear them?
-No
-O.K.
-Do you gain further understanding through communication?
-YES! Maybe. no
-Are you sure?
-How can anyone be sure? *Air of pseudo-philosophy surrounds scene*
-Was that supposed to be deep or just a cop-out?
-Does it matter?
-To me or you?
-Both. Either. Neither.
-I guess so, but why do you talk so much then?
-I'm hiding.
-From what?
-Whatever needs to be hidden from.
-THAT'S a cop-out.
-Not really. If I knew what I was hiding from then I would'nt be hiding, you see?
-Understanding, again, right?
-Yes. More like information though.
-Do you WANT help?
-How could you help?
-Well, maybe I can help you understand what you are trying to escape.
-Oh, I know what I'm trying to escape.
-...
-I'll be right back. By the way, do you have any...rope?
-No, why?
-No reason. Now I'm off.
*Gunshots heard in the background*
-Oh right, life.
-
-
-
-You're back!
-Are you glad?
-No, just surprised.
-...
-Did you hear a...
-NO. I didn't hear anything.
-That's strange, I thought I heard...
-You were wrong. People hear things.
-Yeah, but this was real!
-How do you know?
-I guess you've got a point. Or do you?
-I was being deep again.
-Are you? I thought you were just an idiot.
-I just had a dream.
-When?
-Just right now. When you heard that "noise." *Snicker*
-What was it about?
-I was holding a...weapon...a gun or something...Maybe it wasn't a gun. Anyway, a bunch of people were rushing at me. The said it was very important...But...I just kept...Shooting them or whatever. I think. Right, so they kept coming...I was stunned; they wanted something from me...
-What?
-Well, you heard the gun shots!
-But you said!
-Who am I though?
-What?
-Where are you? Have you guessed?
-I don't know...I don't know...I DON'T KNOW!
-That's too bad.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Greg DeAbla was one tough nut to crack.

After 4 tours in Vietnam, he had learned a thing or two about man's lowest common demoninators and the certitudinal willpower required to maintain sanity and existence in the harshest of circumstances. At the worst of times, when he would look up to see the mud, and his memories of pain were the only ones he had to keep himself warm, he could still count on the bedrock ideals of freedom that awaited him at home in the states.

So he sure as shit wasn't going to stand for this. What had his country come to? What was once his "land of the free and the home of the brave" was now a cesspool of sexual deviance, socialism and moral decay -- the results of a societal over-pressing of tolerance for all things queer.

Even though Greg had defended his country from the great Red Menace, the Pink Hand was still flailing to victory.

"No gays are gettin' married -- not while I'm alive and can do somethin' about it, god dammit!" Greg stared at himself in the mirror as he readied his double-barrel shotty in the Reformed Unitarian Church of Boston bathroom. "This one's for you, Dubya, warn'tcha be proud if ya could see this..."

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

This is my badass fantasy basketball team

PG S. Nash SG M. Ginobili G J. Howard SF J. Howard PF A. Stoudemire F A. Harrington C S. O'Neal Util B. Davis Util T. Prince Util S. Francis Util C. Mobley BN D. Miles BN D. Harris BN M. Finley
---

Being too old, weak, and stressed to play sports, now I can only pretend to be some sort of lame quasi-sports manager/coach.

(Note - My fantasy football teams is also awesome)

END OF LINE.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

From Cy's brain to yours...

1) Cut population growth in areas which permit only conditions for a poor quality of life, to zero.

2) Abolish all organized religion and other movements based on static beliefs, race, and ethnicity.

3) Encourage the expansion and feasibility of rapid, free trade.

4) Encourage social, racial, and territorial integration...

5) Concentrate more efforts into the advancement of sciences and less into military development.

6*) Attempt to develop ever more accurate cosmological simulations of reality (on computers).

This quote made me laugh...

"It is a bit of a stretch, especially when you're talking about electromagnetic forces travelling from the mobile to the scrotum."

Article link.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

A counter-Radiohead movement would fail because...

...Radiohead itself attempts to make music that doesn't sound like Radiohead, so our efforts to make music that doesn't sound like Radiohead would thwart themselves.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Dumbass Republicans are not going to get the nerd vote

Embattled U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum said America has avoided a second terrorist attack for five years because the “Eye of Mordor” has been drawn to Iraq instead.
Santorum used the analogy from one of his favorite books, J.R.R. Tolkien’s 1950s fantasy classic “Lord of the Rings,” to put an increasingly unpopular war in Iraq into terms any school kid could easily understand.
“As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else,” Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth.
“It’s being drawn to Iraq and it’s not being drawn to the U.S.,” Santorum continued. “You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don’t want the Eye to come back here to the United States.”

Recap of some noteworthy television DVD releases of '06

1. Chappelle Show - Lost Episodes

The original "race pixies" sketch was supposed to have a segment with Tiger Woods hitting in a long putt, then Tiger's conscience that sits on his shoulder says, "Stick yo dick in the hole, show 'em what a n---- you really are!" Probably the best sketch is the last, the MTV Cribs Dave Chappelle segment. "This jacket is reversible -- on the outside its endangered cheetah skin, on the inside its bald eagle." "Y'all wanna try out some tyrannosaurus rex egg?" "I grind diamonds on my food, not only cuz its the most baller shit you can do with your food, but because it makes my doody twinkle."

2. Brak Show - Season II

Get it for the rap off contest which Dad wins (with the help of his rapping eyebrows). Unfortunately, it doesn't have the special last episode with all the Adult Swim characters at a party at their house. Space Ghost Zorak gets killed by the Brak Show Zorak, and Carl gets propsitioned by Debbie (of Aqua Teen). "Whip it out, fat stuff!"

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season V

Quite possibly the best fucking sitcom on TV. (thats non-animated) In some ways better than Seinfeld. Nevermind that its on HBO and I don't have that shit. When a show makes you feel embarrassed for the main character, you know it getting to you. Its great watching Larry David fuck up and bumble his way through all these social situations, faux-pauxs, always fighting traditional moires, and watching the intense hatred he always manages to generate towards himself. Even though he's a filthy rich Jew with a hot wife and celebrity friends, it makes you glad you're not that big an asshole.

4. Reno: 911 - Season III

Surpisingly funny, morbid and slightly gay. But who isn't?

5. South Park - The Hits

I didn't buy it cuz I'm gonna buy the individual seasons as they come out, but it does contain the Trapped in the Closet episode, which could quite possibly be the best South Park episode ever. Fuck Tom Cruise. "Now I'm in the closet, now I'm in the closet too..." - R Kelly

Feel free to complete the list. Man, work blows.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Wrath Of FROG

Wrath of FROG:

Wrath of FROG destroys all snakes, lizards, other reptiles, mammals, or any creature attempting to feast on FROG, as well as causing temporary blindess to the enemy duelist, as well as pissing off the populace in general.

Note: Wrath of FROG is ineffective against GodZilla.

"History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man."
"I love you GodZirra!"

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Paging the EffeKTiNatoR

Assuming I know what I'm doing (I don't), I just want to see how Cyrus is faring, what with the earthquake and all today.

Friday, October 13, 2006

360 interactive pictures.

These are really cool. Load a pic then click and drag with the mouse to move. Use Shift and Ctrl to zoom.

HOT TECH!!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Fully Operational

I think this used to be on my blog, but I like it so I'm going to post it again here.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The Tree Stump Jesus Twins



Its a sign -- let's cut this down and sell it on Ebay

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Get the new Beck album.

I've only heard the first three songs, but they were all good.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

You know I'm not dead

I've just been living in my head...

Death of "Vocalists mystical ability"...

If I pitch correct my crappy vocals on a song I produce,
have I, in some sense, 'cheated'? Have I somehow
misreprented may talents in a
way that invalidates my products value?

The physiological benefit that is the golden tongue/larynx
has, over the course of the development of musical
culture, become regarded as some kind of mystica
gift. When we exalt the talents of our favorite vocal
musicians, we in some proportion miscontrue the personal
('musical' is this context) developments of the
individual with the results of uncontrollable
physiological developments whichoccured in
the individualspast. A suped up larynx
contributes exactly as much to an
individuals talents as does the possesion of a
sweet custom Gibson or other well made instrument.

So from this angle we can see that the use of pitch
correction on vocals is no more objectionable
than the selection of a fine guitar for a track, or
using some well programmed plugin to compress to
perfection. The basic fact underlying this symmetry
is that the sole contributing factor by which our
musical products have value is 'creative infusion
by intrepretting subjects'. Its the patterns in the
choices of notes in times at different pitchs,
settings on the effects, etc., that the musician
makes that infuses the art product with its value.


So go mess up some vocal tracks.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

This is the link...

...that all stoners will be passing around the web, not unlike a joint.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This Fresh Post...

...will take list form.

1) I'm sick of this 'world-of-irrational-terrorists' scenario that the media keeps stuffing down our throats. Shouldn't the public education system of this country ensure that our citizens are wary of such ridiculous demonization schemes?

2) Josh is getting married to Sarah, which means now I'm one friend closer to being lonely for life.

3) I'm still fascinated by self-refering things, like this sentence.

4) I'm still not loving police, except the ones in Santa Barbara because they've always been cool, because my friends and I are white and harmless and they know it.

5) I'm up 4B.

6) Skiied almost none in 2 weeks. ;(

7) I'm come to the conclusion that I suck at keyboards and need to focus on guitar, even though I really want to utilize Ableton Live. Maybe I can put together some MIDI guitar rig and control things thusly.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday agenda.

1.) Get drunk.
2.) Play micd acoustic guitar and vocals doing foo fighters covers in garage all by myself.
3.) Profits.

I've already completed 1 & 2... I think I will linger on #2 until it becomes too late to play music. Then I'll see about the profits.

Comments and suggestions welcome... also any advice on my life direction or whatever.

Bye.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Matrimony...

It's whats for dinner.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I'll think of something to say...

But until then!

The Adventures of Lenker

culled from the annals of the Goleta Historic Preservation Society and Maggots




Sunday, September 24, 2006

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Tecate has begun.

It's impossible to prove absolutely that the universe is deterministic, because there can always be some undiscovered phenomenon that will violate the deterministic laws you had previously figured out.

It's also impossible to prove absolutely that the universe is non-deterministic. Just because something appears to operate randomly, or withing some probability cloud, doesn't mean that there aren't some governing deterministic rules which we simply have yet to grasp. Non-determinism is kind of a cop out that way... "We don't understand it, so it must be random."

Zell Mutant

Friday, September 22, 2006

Sweet Greenery

This mother forced her baby to take mad hits of the bizong, so that the child would become more mellow and docile.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Snakes

Check this out!

Google trends shows you the search volume for certain topics over a period of time.

Notice how snakes became more popular a few months ago.

Hmmm.

Things I could do with the garage at my new place...

1) Poker room
2) Grow room
3) Love dungeon (females only)
4) Place to make some homebrewed beer
5) Band practice space for only myself
6) Car hold
7) Rent out as a holding cell to various government affiliated paramilitary groups
8) Homeless shelter (make them work for me)

Your taste in music...

Early 90's post-schlock rock: Billy and Kurt taught me that the electric guitar is more than just a socially acceptable penis extension.

Phil Collins: Yah its sad, but I was pretty naive back then. 'Susudio' is still a cool song thinks me...

Classical: It might not have the dynamic punch of modern music, but we can't ignore the influence it has had on forming my earss preferences for tonality. You still can't beat Beethoven across the board, especially the 'breakdown' in the middle of the 9th symphony.

Jazz: Well it perplexes me and forces me to envy the chops of others, but thats about it.

Reggae: ....thats just country for stoners...

Hip-Hop: Sorry but I just can't get into monotonous rhyming and monotonous 'beats'. Ya gotsta change it up more often.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Chocolate and beer...

...go exceedingly well together.

If you've never tried, then you're missing something quite clean.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Quit your job & make music all day... that's what God told me.

... I'm about ready to listen. Last Friday I submitted a couple CDs to this record label, as it turns out my friend's friend is the president. So, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I'll let you know how it goes. This is an excerpt of a piece I'm writing on the reasoning behind why humans think music is so good.


Objectively speaking, the only real, scientifically-discernible reason for the existence of music in the evolution of humankind is the sexual fitness-through-aesthetic creativity proxy.

This basically means that music exists to increase one's chances of getting laid.

There's no doubt that there's a bit more to it than that, however.

What about the maternal feeling of a deep, enveloping bass, or the unconsciously-induced body shaking that occurs during an undeniably funky groove?

What about the urges for interstellar exploration that spontaneously erupt during the dotted, intertwining polyphonic melodies of the Grateful Dead or Pink Floyd?

Despite the recent rise in popular misconceptions, music is not simply a marketing tool or a way to get laid -- it appeals to something in us deeper than that.

I knew I was meant to be weird when one day it retrospectively occurred to me that I got into psychedelic bands like Pink Floyd and the Orb well before I ever tried any drugs.. The music, back then, was not meant to go with the drugs, but was a drug in itself. It still is.

Sometimes when I hear some syncopated beats with interlocking rhythms of an interesting tambre, the music acts as a key in my brain to unlock a different state of consciousness, where I am far less aware of my physical reality, and aware only of the music and the fact that I living. I am transported to a place that seems to be between my ears and my brain (what... the inner-ear? there's not a whole lotta room in there). Then the song ends or I am rudely interrupted by something in the external reality.

Music, at its best, makes us feel all sorts of crazy emotions that we seem to channel best through dancing... coordinated, rhythmic body movement to physically demonstrate what the music is mentally doing to us... lifting weights, having sex & driving a car all seem to work well with music too (don't try them all at the same time).

Maybe, just maybe, music is indeed our earthly connection to the divine. After all, the motivations behind musical aestheticism are about as well understood as the reason behind why there is anything at all.

In any case, while we are here, there's not a whole lot more I'd rather be doing with this existence than listening to or making music.


C.Fx
wuz here

(ps I hope my homeys are keepin it real in the 805/wherever Josh lives)

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Friday, September 15, 2006

Work = Yag

The following is an SQL query statement:

SELECT Products.SerialNumber, Locations.LocationName FROM Products INNER JOIN Locations ON Locations.LocID = Products.LocID WHERE Products.ProdType = 'Robot' AND Locations.CustomerName = '"&CustomerName&"' AND Products.EndDate > "&DateUTC&" ORDER BY Products.SerialNumber ASC

The above query searches for all active robot products which belong to a given customer specified as input by the user.

And now, some C++ code:

if( gnVerRemote >= 20208 && GetPrivateProfileInt( "Setup", "DoDialog", 0, gszIniFile ) )
gbNeedDlg = true;

This is from a networked application which always has two sides running on two computers. The above code first checks the version of software running on the remote computer. It then checks a special option value in a data file. If the remote version is large enough, and if the option has been specified, then it marks the need to create a special dialog box at a later time. It can't create it right on the spot because of some weird timing/threading issues.

Think of these snippets as a little window into the kind of shite that I work on each day.

Not horribly exciting.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

David Deutsch, Karl Popper & Wesley Willis sit in the cafeteria together for lunch



Deutsch: Explanative theories are much more useful than predictive theories.

Popper: Yes, but rigorous testing of your theory about theories does not free it from the possibility of refutation in the future.

Willis: I will test your motherfuckin theory so hard its motherfuckin ass turns red.

Deutsch: You are already giving into the pitfalls of predictive analysis by assuming the theory's ass will turn red in this particular instance, or that your methodologies in testing will be sufficiently relevant to the context of the problem at hand.

Popper: In one particular counter-instance, I witnessed the theory's ass turn blue.

Willis: Now that's just ridiculous.


... I better get back to work!!

C. Fx
wuz here

Saturday, September 09, 2006

...

Just wanted yall to know I'm pouring some out for all the homies that gotsta come hard off the vacation, back to a thick and ready pile of soul consuming work...and this is probably why I'm the only guy posting up in this...

Sincerely,
The only guy posting up in this.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Reasons I like Radiohead, in bulleted form.

1) Jonnhy Greenwood uses a modular synth in a live performance context. I like the idea of plugging and unplugging 1/8" mini-jacks in sequence with some tempo. Its also very difficult to manage the patchings on those things because it takes alot of time to make all the 25 or so connections necessary for the production of some particular-and probably hauting-sound. I wonder if he has some syth-virtuouso-in-training butt-boy help him out.

2) Thom writes excellent vocal melodies. When I abstract away the human-vocallyness of his parts, all the bands parts coalesce in a way that reminds me of instrumental 'classical music'. With Radiohead there is no filler; every riff is a respectable composition on its own.

3) The band is able to keep their audience mildly alienated from each of their new releases (post-OKComputer, that is). This is not because they produce worse material with time, but because they always want to produce good material in a different way, rather than a formulaic way.

4) They have a really sweet poster that depicts what looks like a black mushroom cloud erupting over a 'zoomed in' picture of the United States part of a globe. Upon closer inspection the 'shaft' of the mushroom cloud appears to be composed of several superimposed dental x-rays.

-Kevin

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Blog mongering...

...is what I'm doing with this post. I'm attempting to make a shrewdly thought out first move in attempts to secure a dominant position in the new battle fought here on these data-grounds; a battle to dominate the status quo of standard subject matter discussed here. With these words I form the content of future discussions on this blog. And there is nothing that can be done to stop me, unless of course others match my barrages of verbiage. And thats were you come in...

-Kevin

This post was made before I had the chance to view the first post...

...and so it is brought forth from the coalescing binary ooze of the data-verse: Cleansmanship.

...which means its time to consider alternate formatting, such as, "Cleansmanship!"

...that extra atittude might make the blog more likely to appeal to todays youth, what with their short attention spans and fascination with action...

...and that means more google advertising revenue for us.

-Slowly finding housing,
Kevin

First Post

Cherry popped.