Friday, December 29, 2006

Blogger Beta is a Gaybow

Don't switch over to the new version of blogger, or else you won't be able to post comments on Cleansmanship. Thanks for the Birthday post Matt, and yes its true, I am still alive, and I have almost finished completion of my human brain/computer interface module.

I just need to pick what color I want to paint it, check some long division for my neural data transfer device & waterproof that sucker for after the melting of the icecaps, around 5,000 years from now. I hope that I can somehow invent an intergalactic drive or something to get me off this rock before it gets engulfed by the sun, in another however many million years.

May the New Year bring all of you prosperity, fortitude, girth & viscosity.

fx over n out

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Happy Birthday Cy!!!!

I'm deeply disappointed that I can't express this in person, but I thought I'd send a shout out to my good friend Cy on his birthday. The good thing is he's several hours behind me, so instead of just getting this message out before his birthday expired, i'm hitting it right in the middle of his day. I'm a little drunk, so in a rare display of emotion, I'd like to say "Cy, we miss you in SB." There, now I'm done with feelings. Happy Birthday.

- matthew Q

Monday, December 25, 2006

I got an XBOX 360.

Gears of War = Teh Ski

Sunday, December 24, 2006

All I want for Christmas...

It would be pretty sweet if Kevin, Josh, or Cy ended up in SB. I'm guessing Cy is out. Kevin, Josh???

Friday, December 22, 2006

Video Games

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1 w45 p|4y1n6 Z3|d4 111, 4 |1nk 70 7h3 P457 34r|13r 0n my D5, 4nd 1'm n07 qu173 5ur3 why 1'm 73||1n6 y0u 7h47.

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Wh0 h3r3 |1k35 mu51c? 1 |0v3 mu51c. Y0u 700? 53r10u5|y? 7h47'5 50 w31rd.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

I posted this on Craigslist a while ago...

[Some poeople didn't realize it was a joke, even though I say it is at the end.]


Subject: God of Rock seeks collaboration.

If you still subsist on mortal chops, avert your eyes for your brain shall be melted upon apprehending my technical viruosity. I regularly play 1/64th note scale runs at 160 bpm, and thats only for warm up. I only jam with people that can keep up with the chord progressions that I spontaneously generate in my head and communicate in real time. Charts are for pussies. If you want a piece of this you'd better be skilled up the taint with chops and knowledge of theory applenty. You must double on at least two other instruments, one of which must be percussion, one of which must be electronic based. You must either have all your own equipment or rent some from my personal treasure trove of sweet guitars, vintage amps, keys, fx, strings, brass, etc. I've been playing for longer than I've been alive so if you are a sucktard you'd best keep your sorry soggy jams sealed up hermetically within your own personal domicile of aural mediocrity.

Here's the flow we would be on:
Neil Diamond
Bee Gees
Matchbox 20

/ska/jazz/blues/metal sissie's need not apply. The majority of our work together will consist in furious and meticulous recreations of Paco De Lucia guitar solos from which we will extract nuggets of tonal expression which will later be reimplemented/arranged as a suite of extended non-diatonic 'tone poems'. If that sounds weird or intimidating, then go the hell back to the fifties and plod out some I-IV-V's!!!

BTW: This is all BS but it was fun to write. Consider it satire on the ego-laden character of some of the posts on this list.


[Someguy thought it was funny and said he'd be down to jam, but that never happened.]

Friday, December 15, 2006

For some reason I can't add comments to the previous post

The nerdy blogger sat at his crudely constructed laptop station in his humble Honolulu apartment, which was situated on a wooden desk he had found in the street, while sitting on a chair he had found in the street.

After engaging in some machine-constructed spliffery that involved tokability of a furious sort - not unlike a man flailing for a bottle of prune juice after eating Polonium and Jelly sandwiches - he sat to type, knowing for sure he had it in him to come up with hot material for the blog story.

Should I continue the escapades of conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh and various NFL personalities in their quest for more drugs, he pondered, whilst contemplating the significance of Matthew Q's picture. Or, should I go with a UFO abduction twist ending, where the mothership descends upon the crack house and lifts all to travel the outer reaches of the universe... the choices flowed freely, like bacterium in the vegetables of a dirty restaurant.

Instead, the blogger thought it'd be best to go with the self-referential, multiversal-crystallizing ending, while throwing in something about the multiverse for good measure, and hoping that just maybe that in itself would promptly awaken K-Minor into taking action with a fourth and completing post.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Where were you Kevin Minor?

Kevin Minor, do you know where we were 10 years ago today? How about 9 years ago? That's what I thought...

Continue This Story

Donovan NcNabb took to one final drag from his cock-shaped crack pipe before falling into bed.

"It ain't easy being me.", he muttered, curling into the fetal position.

"Computer. Music. Kid-A."

Donovan's high-powered, voice-controlled computer system responded to his command in less than 30 milliseconds by piping "Everything In Its Right Place" into the room.

Donovan started to rock slowly from side to side as the warm tones washed over his crack-infused conciousness.

McKnabb's life goal had always been to acquire enough money to purchase a lifetime supply of crack then retire.

He had made it and was now living the dream.

Suddenly came a knock on the bedroom door.


[Someone add more stuff here.]

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Trivial Post

Best Muse song?
I say "Knights of Cydonia" because when I'm at the gym and the burn is real cavernous and domestic, and I feel like giving into the hatred of the terrorist, thus letting the terrorist win, that glorious epic comes on and gives me six more minutes on the treadmill, thus lessening the impact on my liver and lungs from all the dirty fucking filth I put in there.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Happy Birthday LY-DON!

First, an uncommonly good YTMND:
Second, birthday wishes are in order for John Titor's long lost cousin.
Matt, you raging bull of possessed pedantry! You peddler of warez both big and small. You complete the universe.

Here's some stuff that you've probably already heard about:

Similarly-titled organizations have led to legitimate confusion over whose decals stand for what. To the left we have the logo for the "National Organization for European-American Rights," a white supremacist group run by ex-Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke that acronymizes its name as N.O.F.E.A.R. To the right is the logo for No Fear, Inc., an international retailer who markets its popular youth-directed apparel and accessories under the brand "No Fear." The decals are markedly different in appearance, as is the message each is meant to convey.

The retailer whose logo is now being confused with that of a white supremacist group, No Fear, Inc., is a California-based manufacturer of young men's activewear and gear that has been in business since 1989. It currently employs 150 people, and its products are sold at outlets around the world.

As for what N.O.F.E.A.R. is about, according to David Duke, this group's mission is to fight what he says is widespread discrimination against white people of European descent:

"We maintain that the civil rights of European Americans are being violated by affirmative action, forced integration, and anti-European immigration policies. Blacks, Mexicans, Jews and other ethnic minorities have many organizations that work for their perceived interests."
In other words, they're quite different kettles of fish.
In February 2000, No Fear, Inc. filed suit against David Duke, claiming he infringed on their company's trademark by calling his one-month-old White-rights group N.O.F.E.A.R.

Duke denies his organization's name violates No Fear, Inc.'s trademark rights. "The name of the organization is the National Organization for European American Rights," Duke said. "And if somebody uses the letters, that's not what we're about. That's just the initials of our organization."

One wonders how the courts will view this claim, especially in light of one of Duke's earliest actions on behalf of his new organization. During an address broadcast on C-SPAN on 22 January 2000, while standing before a sign bearing the Web address NOFEAR.NET, he capped a speech that mixed themes of genetics, God, and the defense of European culture with: "That's why NOFEAR exists." For a fellow who wants to defend his group from a trademark infringement suit by claiming the acronym formed from his organization's title is merely coincidental, he's going about it in a bizarre manner.

Did Duke know about No Fear, Inc., at the time he selected a name for his white supremacist group? He says not. Does this ultimately matter? Probably not. No Fear, Inc., looks to have a strong case that its trademark has been violated, and certainly that consumers have been genuinely confused by N.O.F.E.A.R.'s actions and stated goals.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I'm glad God created different languages so that we could laugh at bad translations


1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough examination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Monday, December 04, 2006

License To Sleigh: Bond Saves Christmas


The holidays are in jeopardy.

Santa Claus, striking from a hidden rebel base, has turned to the dark side and is selling British defense secrets to the Iranians.

Jolly Ol' St Nick also has plans to distribute toxic polonium pancakes instead of presents.

Just imagine little Sally and Billy biting into XMAS breakfast and receiving a mouthful of untraceable, radioactive death.

There is a high probability that Christmas cheer will be at an all time low.

Bond has only 24 hours to put Citizen Kringle in a shallow grave and deliver complimentary XBOX 360s to the children of the world.

Rated NC-17: For extreme fisting and unbridled pwnage.

Creative Exercise #1

You guys should write comment/stories for the below picture; I'll start it off. Your story doesn't have to be related to mine.