Monday, December 18, 2006

I posted this on Craigslist a while ago...

[Some poeople didn't realize it was a joke, even though I say it is at the end.]

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Subject: God of Rock seeks collaboration.

If you still subsist on mortal chops, avert your eyes for your brain shall be melted upon apprehending my technical viruosity. I regularly play 1/64th note scale runs at 160 bpm, and thats only for warm up. I only jam with people that can keep up with the chord progressions that I spontaneously generate in my head and communicate in real time. Charts are for pussies. If you want a piece of this you'd better be skilled up the taint with chops and knowledge of theory applenty. You must double on at least two other instruments, one of which must be percussion, one of which must be electronic based. You must either have all your own equipment or rent some from my personal treasure trove of sweet guitars, vintage amps, keys, fx, strings, brass, etc. I've been playing for longer than I've been alive so if you are a sucktard you'd best keep your sorry soggy jams sealed up hermetically within your own personal domicile of aural mediocrity.

Here's the flow we would be on:
Neil Diamond
Fugees
Bee Gees
Radiohead
Matchbox 20

Indie/emo/screamo/punk/xxxmetalxxx/yyymetalyyy/reggae/gaycore/slutrock/tamborinejams
/ska/jazz/blues/metal sissie's need not apply. The majority of our work together will consist in furious and meticulous recreations of Paco De Lucia guitar solos from which we will extract nuggets of tonal expression which will later be reimplemented/arranged as a suite of extended non-diatonic 'tone poems'. If that sounds weird or intimidating, then go the hell back to the fifties and plod out some I-IV-V's!!!




BTW: This is all BS but it was fun to write. Consider it satire on the ego-laden character of some of the posts on this list.

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[Someguy thought it was funny and said he'd be down to jam, but that never happened.]

2 comments:

marchhare14 said...

I remember when I first read this. Amazingly awesome. You are a God of rock and satirical composition.

Matthew Q said...

Yes, I remember how hilarious this post was. Some of the comments of those who don't understand satire, or who enjoy commenting on things they failed to read entirely was also quite commical. As is my visual, alphabet-based rendering of the word 'comical.'