Tuesday, September 25, 2007

This story melted your brain, in a parallel universe...

Parallel universes exist - study

Press Association
Sep 23 11:33 PM US/Eastern

Parallel universes really do exist, according to a mathematical discovery by Oxford scientists described by one expert as "one of the most important developments in the history of science".

The parallel universe theory, first proposed in 1950 by the US physicist Hugh Everett, helps explain mysteries of quantum mechanics that have baffled scientists for decades, it is claimed.

In Everett's "many worlds" universe, every time a new physical possibility is explored, the universe splits. Given a number of possible alternative outcomes, each one is played out - in its own universe.

A motorist who has a near miss, for instance, might feel relieved at his lucky escape. But in a parallel universe, another version of the same driver will have been killed. Yet another universe will see the motorist recover after treatment in hospital. The number of alternative scenarios is endless.

It is a bizarre idea which has been dismissed as fanciful by many experts. But the new research from Oxford shows that it offers a mathematical answer to quantum conundrums that cannot be dismissed lightly - and suggests that Dr Everett, who was a Phd student at Princeton University when he came up with the theory, was on the right track.

Commenting in New Scientist magazine, Dr Andy Albrecht, a physicist at the University of California at Davis, said: "This work will go down as one of the most important developments in the history of science."According to quantum mechanics, nothing at the subatomic scale can really be said to exist until it is observed. Until then, particles occupy nebulous "superposition" states, in which they can have simultaneous "up" and "down" spins, or appear to be in different places at the same time.

Observation appears to "nail down" a particular state of reality, in the same way as a spinning coin can only be said to be in a "heads" or "tails" state once it is caught.According to quantum mechanics, unobserved particles are described by "wave functions" representing a set of multiple "probable" states. When an observer makes a measurement, the particle then settles down into one of these multiple options.

The Oxford team, led by Dr David Deutsch, showed mathematically that the bush-like branching structure created by the universe splitting into parallel versions of itself can explain the probabilistic nature of quantum outcomes.


The parallel universe theory only still _can_ explain "the probabilistic nature of quantum outcomes", but really I still need some proof to buy into it. Show me some videotape of me being laid by Jessica Alba, recorded in a parallel universe, or me composing the ultimate song to bring about the end of universes everywhere. Even just a demonstrably practicable quantum computer would suffice, one that utilizes multidimensional states to render Halo 3 like a hot knife through buttered brie.

(ps: in this picture I am not insinuating the book itself is farcical, but our ability to define and explain "reality" so remains...)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Who Watches "The View" Anyway?

I know I'm being hypocritical by talking about a show that I think doesn't deserve so much attention, but really, if you're an intelligent human being that can think for yourself and you've seen 'The View' once, why the fuck would you ever watch it again, much less rely on it as a credible source of relevant information & analysis, unless you are trying to become a dumber person?

But the main point of this entry is more to tell you about a sweet website,
Improbable Research, which covers ridiculous "stories of science and research." Its pretty damn entertaining. This was today's story:

September 19th, 2007

Scientists, it is said, never take any assumption for granted. A panel of amateur scientists on the American TV program “The View” debated two such assumptions... Here is a transcript covering one of the two questions (the video clip covers both questions):

WHOOPI GOLDBERG: Is the world flat?
SHERRI SHEPHERD: Is the world flat? (laughter)
SHEPHERD: …I Don’t know.
GOLDBERG: What do you think?
SHEPHERD: I… I never thought about it, Whoopi. Is the world flat? I never thought about it.
BARBARA WALTERS: You’ve never thought about whether the world was round or flat?
SHEPHERD: I tell you what I’ve thought about. How I’m going to feed my child–
WALTERS: Well you can do both.
SHEPERD: …how I’m going to take care of my family. The world, is the world flat has never entered into, like that has not been an important thing to me.
ELIZABETH HASSELBECK: You’ll teach your son, Jeffery, right?
SHEPHERD: If my son, Jeffery, asks me ‘is the world flat,’ I guess I would go…
JOY BEHAR: You know, didn’t some person already work this question out? I mean, why are we doing this again? (laughter, applause)


... and then the world became a slightly stupider place to live in...

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Why I'm Not Afraid of Foreign Invasion

The Associated Press

OKLAHOMA CITY -- To some University of Oklahoma football fans, there are things that just aren't done in the heart of Sooner Nation, and one of them is to walk into a bar wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.

That's exactly what touched off a bloody skirmish that left a University of Texas fan nearly castrated and an Oklahoma fan facing aggravated assault charges that could put him in prison for up to five years.

The case has set off a raging debate in this football-crazed region about the extreme passions behind a bitter rivalry. Some legal observers even question whether this case could ever truly have an impartial jury.

"I've actually heard callers on talk radio say that this guy deserved what he got for wearing a Texas T-shirt into a bar in the middle of Sooner country," said Irven Box, an attorney in this city 20 miles from OU's campus in Norman.

Police say Brian Christopher Thomas, 32, walked into Henry Hudson's Pub on June 17 wearing a Longhorns T-shirt and quickly became the focus of football trash talk from another regular, Sooners fan Allen Michael Beckett, 53.

Thomas told police that when he went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as other bar patrons tried to break it up.

It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital.

Beckett's attorney, Billy Bock, concedes that his client commented about Thomas' shirt but said that it was just good-natured ribbing and that he apologized to Thomas when it appeared to upset the Texas fan. Later, Bock said, Thomas approached his client at the bar and threatened him.

Thomas' attorney disputes Beckett's version. "That's total malarkey," Hughes said. "My client never said a word to him. He got up to pay and when he paid and left a tip, the guy grabbed him."

Beckett, a church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran, has pleaded not guilty. His next court appearance comes Oct. 4, two days before the Sooners and Longhorns tangle in their annual football game at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas.


That's the real America in action right there: simple football- and religion-loving country folk, who will rip your dick off if you fuck with them.

That sounds like a much worse fate than catching some shrapnel from a suicide bomber to me.

These model citizens would cut up and eat an invading army with their bare hands; God bless 'Merica.

(of course my state would roll over, or else be annihilated altogether in the case of a war with China, as we have military bases & gift shops for every armed service here)

Monday, September 10, 2007

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Which of the Presidential Contenders Would Win in a Fighting Freeforall?

No holds barred...

Here are my top 4:

1. Barack "The Black Rocky" Obama

age: 46

height: 6'2

weight: 190

fighting style: young grasshopper

special skills: 'Bama learned how to throw fish with deadly accuracy in the hoodz of Honolulu, doesn't like war or fighting really, but is still black, and knows some hard hittin n----s he can call up if it comes to that...

2. Hillary "Thrill Killer" Clinton

age: 59

height: 5'6

weight: 135

fighting style: dirty nut twister

special skills: Battle-hardened from beating the shit out of adversarial politicians (and her husband) for decades on end, Hillary enters the arena to win, even if it means leaving no man standing, and no pair of nuts untwisted...

3. "Rowdy" Rudy Giuliani

age: 63

height: 5'10

weight: 170

fighting style: bald lizard

special skills: While not the youngest contender in the ring, Rudy is deft, delivering swift blows to his many opponents (bums with squeegies, mafioso, terrorists, ex-wives and ex-family members), and lives for a classic, epitomizing fight, along with a little trash talk for good measure...

4. John "The Baptist of Pain" McCain

age: 71

height: 5'7

weight: 210
fighting style: none (relies on enemy attrition)

special skills: Already a highly-trained foot soldier during the Reagan Revolution, McCain has been baptising his senatorial challengers in huge margins of defeat since 1982; he's also a real soldier and apparently enjoys receiving large amounts of pain (because he preferred to receive beatings instead of sign a bogus confessional drawn up by the Vietcong).
I wanted to simulate a whole 2-party, 16-contender tournament, but doing just this much took me a solid 3 hrs at work already. Maybe I'll come up with some more nicknames later.
Joe Biden
Hillary Clinton
Chris Dodd
John Edwards
Al Gore
Dennis Kucinich
Barack Obama
Bill Richardson

Sam Brownback
Fred Thompson
Rudy Giuliani
Mitt Romney
Duncan Hunter
John McCain
Ron Paul
Tom Tancredo

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

From the Onion

Bro, you're a God among Bros

By Zach Caldwell

You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the Velvet Revolver show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.

You are truly a god among bros.

Just when I think you're as solid as a bro can get, you raise the very definition of brodom to new heights. You're like a brogle, soaring to the farthest reaches of the atbrosphere. Seriously. If it weren't for you and your extreme brobility to hook a bro up when it is most croosh, I'd have been stuck in some bitch-ass seat, cramped all in the corner with a bunch of bitch-asses, bro. But you stepped up. You brovercame all obstacles to help a bro out. This is the kind of shit that makes bros for life.

Brody, I was so stoked when you told Gina to go eat a fat one after she asked if she could have your other ticket, even though you knew you could probably get a pretty deese HJ from her. Bros before hos, bro. That's what I'm talking about.

You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.

But this is just one of many times you've fallen on a grenade for me, brozo. Who took the blame when I broke Skeeter's bong and fucking Skeeter was all fucking pissed? You, bro. Who was the first to bro up and carry that fucking keg of Killian's up four flights of stairs for Duke's surprise party? You, bro. Who was the only Bromo sapien on the planet to tell me he thought the brand-new rims on my F-350 were the shit even though everyone else was all, like, fucking not that excited about them? Bro, you know it was you. You're my broheim supremo, bro, and don't you ever forget it.

I'm so fucking glad we're bros, bro!

I've long admired your absolute broficiency in all things bro-related, and the way you've always carried yourself in a brofessional manner. I consider you a brole model. When I was new in this town, you took me under your wing and showed me the bropes. And I will always preesh that. Not only did you school me in proper brotocol, but you were a spiritual leader, a confidant, and, more importantly, a bro. You taught me how to be true to my inner bro and to bros around me. You are a real bro. Not a fake bro, like those other douches. I hate fake bros, bro. Faux breaux. Fuck that. No, really, bro…you're practically a bro-ther to me.

Look at you, blasting in like Rambro and firing off your launcher like nobrody's business, bro. Serious Brotosaurus Rex action. Brodius Maximus. I'm not big on labels, but you, more than any of the wiggers, bitches, goth chicks, dorks, homos, or Mexicans I know, are absolutely beyond rebroach.

In fact, your brotitude is so brossential that, in many ways, you are the ultimate brototype: You sprung out of the brotean ooze at the very broment of creation, unformed, unmolded, and became the ultimate bro, more powerful than any who came brofore. I don't fear your power, bro, but I respect it. And I will always brobey it.

Brosemite Sam. Potassium Bromide. Brobi Wan Kenobi. Brover Norquist.

Like Broseph Stalin, you are leading the way to the dictatorship of the broletariate. It is truly revbrolutionary. Like the Bro v. Wade of our generation. You brobliterate the enemy from the very peak of Mt. Brolympus. That's some shit. That's brolific. But that's the kind of bro you are.

Bro-S.A.! Bro-S.A.! I'm so pumped right now! Bro-S.A.!

You are the epitome of bro, in every brossible way, and that's the Bro's honest truth, bro. I may have a bropensity for broverstatement, but this no mere hyperbrole: You are 100 brocent, absbrolutely the broest. Brotally.

I wish I had the words to describe what a good friend you are, dude

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Cambria Blast 2: MEGALODON

Thanks to all those that made the Cambria adventure a success. My throat may never recover.

Guess who bought "Virtua Tennis 3" yesterday?

Back to work is harsh, but at least it's only a four day week.