Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Gears Of War Crimes Court Finds 2006 Locust Horde Massacre Justified

JACINTO PLATEAU, SERA—An independent group holding a Gears of War Crimes Tribunal at the Coalition of Ordered Governments headquarters Wednesday to assess whether Delta Squad members Colonel Hoffman, Marcus Fenix, and Dominic Santiago had committed atrocities against the Locust Horde found the three super-soldiers' actions justified. "All actions related to attacking civilian targets such as the Imulsion pumping station were absolutely necessary, otherwise the defendants would not have been able to reach the elevator leading to the campus courtyard, which was essential to advance to the next level," presiding judge Hildreth Crespin said. "Nevertheless, because the super-soldiers openly used the derogatory and hurtful term 'grub' to refer to the Locust Horde, we recommend they seek bestial sensitivity training." Critics of the verdict, who felt Delta Squad should be held accountable for detonating a Lightmass bomb that killed millions of innocent members of the Locust Horde, claimed the men circumvented punishment by using a secret cheat code at the beginning of the trial.


  1. If anyone feels like committing more war crimes against the locust on insane difficulty, I'm your man.

  2. I remember trying to play this game in Cambria but I was too fucking destroyed to deal with that one encounter where all the emergence holes keep popping around that central courtyard area.

    Also I remember I was torn as fuck and somehow got the game into a real weird broken state where I was dead but still able to move around and my body parts were all twisting around in crazy ways.

  3. Funny you should mention that, because I totally remember getting to that courtyard after what seemed like forever, only to realize I too was too tore up to maintain.