Saturday, June 28, 2008

Music is in the air...

Notice how the virtual keyboard is layered 3 dimensionally.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Some thoughts on some games

Everyone has a friend (or perhaps, as in my case, IS the friend) who plays the GTA games for hours, loves them, but only completes two missions the entire time the game is out and relevant. Yep, you're talking to that guy right now. I've owned every GTA game that's been released for the xbox, yet I've never gotten remotely close to finishing any of the games. Not close.

Here's why: Killing random people is the BEST part of GTA. Picking up girls and taking them places and watching the cutscenes with the blatant racism, blah, blah, blah...who cares! Kill people! Blow up cars! I try - I really do - I try to complete the missions, but I just don't care enough. It's just so hard to take freakin' Michelle bowling yet another time. It's hard to care about some stupid get-away van when you can find many perfectly not exploded vans everywhere in the game.

That's where the cheat codes come in handy. I assume a certain level of gamer readership on this site, thus, I will not deign to actually putting the codes on here. You know where to find them if you haven't already used them. As I expanded upon in my blog (shamless plug), dropping boats out of the sky onto cars over and over again is an inexplicable joy. Also you can get lots of weapons. And boats. The best part about dropping boats on people is that when they die, from the boat that just dropped on their head, no one knows that you did anything. The cops don't bug you. They just do their thing, and you can take all the money. It's a sweet deal.

Going over to my other recent obsession, Oblivion has destroyed me. I've played for close to 120 hours so far on this character, yet I cannot bring myself to do the last couple of things I need to do to complete the main quest. "Think of the gamer points!" I think to myself, yet a strong, more deeply-rooted voice tells me "Think of the side-quests!" Yes, I know you can do the side-quests after the main story has ended, but I want to be a beast when I defeat the game.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

im surprised no one came up with this idea earlier... they probably did

i like how each of Walter's forearms are as thick as the Dude's head.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Can you believe this shit?

Radiohead Blasted By Veteran Rockers KISS For Giving Their Music Away For Free

Bassist Gene Simmons says the British rockers – who gave fans the choice to download last year's album 'In Rainbows' for free or pay a sum of their choosing - says their decision is contributing to the demise of the record industry and insists his band would never follow suit.

Gene - who starred in reality TV show 'School of Rock' - said: "The record industry is dead. It's six feet underground and unfortunately the fans have done this.* They've decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we're going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilised. As soon as the record industry pops its head up we'll record new material."

Oooh and I shall continue to hold my fucking breath until then...

*What a fagbot. The fans are to blame? He owes everything he has to the fans.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Retribution (Classic M lyrics)

The attraction of distraction is wearing thin.
I forget but think my way back in.
If ignorance is bliss then knowledge can't be power.
I feel neither one.
My mind's gone sour.

It's OK if you feel this way.
There's a perfect place for you.
I sincerely hope that you realize there is nothing left to do.

In my evenings, I just can't get away.
And I'm stalked down by my waking days.
Masterless leash has got my running to and fro.
And yet no one tells me where to go.

Stand up.
There's retribution coming for you and yours.
Somewhere over the line, no escaping from your finest side this time.
I came here to rid myself of all these thoughts for good.
And it's easy, when you're unknown, to control your own reflection.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Fuck the Celtics

To Magic Fans, with love and squalor

Also, while making sure I was spelling "squalor" correctly, I ran across this rather strange website:

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My happiness at this precise moment depends on Aramis Ramirez grounding into a double play against Greg Maddux

Why would anyone play fantasy sports?

Ahm...moving on, I have a real blog post today. Not like one of those non-existent ones I write imaginarily on most days.

Ah, Theriot stole second. Forget about the double play. Let's just hope Maddux gets out of the inning without causing any more damage.

This post was really supposed to be about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. And no, it didn't suck. Stop with that already. If you thought it sucked, stop reading now and return arranging your freakin' goth albums"necrologically," as you've come to call it.

Naturally, I encountered a lot of assholes as soon as I made the mistake of starting to talk to others on the Internet about Indiana Jones. What came was the following sequence of words and punctuation.

"WORST. INDY. EVER. Heh, silly fanboy, he can still enjoy the tripe being called cinema today."

How far should we stretch our suspension of disbelief when we go to the movies? How far over-the-top is too far over-the-top thus becoming under-the-bottom and really terrible? Having just seen KOTCS, these questions, surprisingly, were not on my mind as I left the theater. I never thought about it. I just kept thinking "Wow, what a great movie! I'm so glad they made another one that captured the particular 'Indiana Jones' essence!" Strangly, I ended up saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore!" Then I yelled as some kids to get off my lawn.

Anyway, it was not until I logged onto the internets and read the incensed ravings of some online amateur critic that I started thinking about KOTCS.

But the real question here was "Why was I thinking that I wasn't thinking enough while watching the new Indy movie?" This is a different world that the one in which Last Crusade was released. The amount of people I "knew" (online anyhow) who were prepared to hate the film was staggering, in large part due to the increased cynicism towards film, particularly towards anything that involves George Lucas, and because Al Gore invented the Internet. Anyone and everyone has become a critic - constantly thinking about films, even ones that clearly aren't meant to be taken seriously - and the Internet has giving them an alarming loud and annoying voice.

In a way this was true in the past as well, now these misunderstood souls have a place to gather and wallow in their own critical genius, egg each other on like a group of Dominicans at a cock fight, and remind everyone that liking any movie that is any fun or entertaining at all is, indeed, gay as hell.

I guess there is no real review in there. The movie is fun, and clever in most parts. Don't go expecting Shawshank Redemption, unless you're one of those assholes who doesn't like The Shawshank Redemption.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

which is the dumbest product ever made?


Includes the Beerbelly Sling and Bladder, The Pleasure Extender, One Step Beerbelly Cleanser. You might want to consider the Beer Belly Bundle. This way you can share The Beerbelly instead of the contents in YOUR Beerbelly!


The WineRack is a very comfortable sports-style bra with a special pocket that holds a boob enhancing bladder filled with the drink of your choice!The WineRack holds over a bottle of wine so let the good times flow while increasing your cup size 2 full cups!


Their clientele must be stylish, serious alkies. I guess the creators of these products never heard of a "flask."

Monday, June 02, 2008

Holy F#cking SH!T

I'm standing up as I write this, as the last two nights saw me getting bent over and fucked hard in the ass by Robert Smith and his merry band of mirth-makers, the end result of which is my universe has been torn asunder and what few pieces remain are now covered in a strange translucent goo that is surprisingly soothing to the touch and smells faintly of vanilla.

The Cure live = Universe Enders