Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My happiness at this precise moment depends on Aramis Ramirez grounding into a double play against Greg Maddux

Why would anyone play fantasy sports?

Ahm...moving on, I have a real blog post today. Not like one of those non-existent ones I write imaginarily on most days.

Ah, Theriot stole second. Forget about the double play. Let's just hope Maddux gets out of the inning without causing any more damage.

This post was really supposed to be about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. And no, it didn't suck. Stop with that already. If you thought it sucked, stop reading now and return arranging your freakin' goth albums"necrologically," as you've come to call it.

Naturally, I encountered a lot of assholes as soon as I made the mistake of starting to talk to others on the Internet about Indiana Jones. What came was the following sequence of words and punctuation.

"WORST. INDY. EVER. Heh, silly fanboy, he can still enjoy the tripe being called cinema today."

How far should we stretch our suspension of disbelief when we go to the movies? How far over-the-top is too far over-the-top thus becoming under-the-bottom and really terrible? Having just seen KOTCS, these questions, surprisingly, were not on my mind as I left the theater. I never thought about it. I just kept thinking "Wow, what a great movie! I'm so glad they made another one that captured the particular 'Indiana Jones' essence!" Strangly, I ended up saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore!" Then I yelled as some kids to get off my lawn.

Anyway, it was not until I logged onto the internets and read the incensed ravings of some online amateur critic that I started thinking about KOTCS.

But the real question here was "Why was I thinking that I wasn't thinking enough while watching the new Indy movie?" This is a different world that the one in which Last Crusade was released. The amount of people I "knew" (online anyhow) who were prepared to hate the film was staggering, in large part due to the increased cynicism towards film, particularly towards anything that involves George Lucas, and because Al Gore invented the Internet. Anyone and everyone has become a critic - constantly thinking about films, even ones that clearly aren't meant to be taken seriously - and the Internet has giving them an alarming loud and annoying voice.

In a way this was true in the past as well, now these misunderstood souls have a place to gather and wallow in their own critical genius, egg each other on like a group of Dominicans at a cock fight, and remind everyone that liking any movie that is any fun or entertaining at all is, indeed, gay as hell.

I guess there is no real review in there. The movie is fun, and clever in most parts. Don't go expecting Shawshank Redemption, unless you're one of those assholes who doesn't like The Shawshank Redemption.


  1. thats an exotic array of media, commentary and personal musings.

    based on your motif of bolding statements which are alliterated by the picture underneath (did i use alliterated properly there?), can i correctly infer that you posted the Hillary pic to characterize the corresponding bolded statement because she fucked up Obama's campaign (however severely is a different matter)?

  2. Well, when I wrote that, she was still in the race, as far as I knew. I'm glad she's gone, because I don't want ol' man McCain guarding our national lawn with a shotgun whilst resting on a rocking chair, slowly rocking towards dementia...

  3. Actually, I was attempting, in part, to say that Hillary's refusal to admit the obvious for so long, all the while, slinging it hard at Obama - she lost the race a long time ago, and I have no idea why she continues to waste all her money on it? I mean, what is this fucking supposed to inspire young girls to run up their credit card debt while running for student body president?

  4. I heard a good reason she'll be sucking up to Obama soon (I don't think she's a realistic VP contender after her rampant toolbotism) is to borrow money from his campaign to pay back her $10 million or so in debt.

    I think it'd be a bad idea to give Hillary the VP spot anyway, she might somehow accidentally undermine the entire campaign by saying something breathtakingly stupid.