Thursday, August 28, 2008

I Hate The Cool Kids

I've always hated the cool kids.

I hated the cool kids in elementary school, junior high and high school, along with the celibration of conformity and mediocrity to which they are intrinsically attached.

Now I hate the hip hop duo, "The Cool Kids." Before I ever even heard their music, I was almost certain they would suck, just based on their image and their name. Give your product a self-important title and an image that appeals to the mindless youth masses, and you have an appropriate vehicle for your exceptionally well-produced, over-regurgitated pop-garbage package. Man, the formula is so predictable.

So, after seeing them grace the covers of this magazine and that, hearing them mentioned by so and so, today I listened to a track by them for the first time. I went into it with an open mind I swear, and sure enough it was quite poor.

So fuck you, Cool Kids. You may be rich and well-liked, but you make the world a slightly stupider place to live in.


I don't know what the point of this post was exactly but I do feel better about things for the moment.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Obama causes presidential row over Biden's wife

Two days after declaring senator Joe Biden his vice presidential running-mate, Barack Obama may have to go back to the cutting room.

The Democratic nominee was caught exchanging some deep-heated passion with the senator's wife in a moment of camera candor, when what appeared to be a routine exchange of spousal greetings unexpectedly turned into a show-stopping romantic flare-up.

"That's my bitch," fumed Biden over the unexpected transpiration of events. "I kissed his on the cheek, so he kisses mine on the mouth? That's fucked up, and its not how I roll..."

"It was her idea," retorted Obama. "Shit, I'm Barack Obama, son. I make Michael Phelps look like Ted Bundy. What would I want with her pale stank-ass anyway?"

The two vowed to throw down right then and there at first, but after Biden saw a good-sized blunt fall out of Obama's back pocket moments later, he reckoned they could make good of the situation by smoking it down and then playing some Madden '09, so long as he could be the Chargers.

"If you've got LT on your team and you know how to use him correctly, you should be able to win just about every match-up," mused Biden.

As of 3:30 pm, the Democratic candidatorial crisis seemed to have been averted, despite reports of racial epithets, loud drum n bass music and large volumes of smoke wafting from the presidential gaming suite.

Perhaps a speech or two would be missed this convention, but important progress was still to be made. Biden's team went on to defeat Obama's lackluster Bears 31-17, thus adequately comforting his bruised ego and affirming his decision to stick as VP.

"Grossman just didn't bring his good shoes to work today," opined Obama over the loss.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Church of Keeping It Real

So you want to be Realer or Realest?

Simply abide by these 10 Brommandments and you’re guaranteed never to be a fake-ass poser again!

1. Thou shalt not talk stink, smack or dirt about a homie unless they deserve it.
2. Thou shalt always keep bros before hos.
3. Thou shalt not be a hater but a player congratulator.
4. Thou shalt not make shit up about their lives unless trying to impress a female.
5. Thou shalt recognize no other prophet before or after Tupac, and that he was killed by the government.
6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s rims.
7. Thou shalt let the dollar circulate.

(uh I could only come up with 7 so far)
(Im gonna make church pamphlets with a P.O. box address and tell people to send me money to keep it real for them)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Kiteboarder is a dumbass

The guy was trying to catch waves with a board and a kite (the board must have come off his feet at some point) in hurricane weather, and apparently forgot to let go after he was dragged onto the shore... But the dude lived, so the film can be funny and not snuff.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

T-Shirt Idea

It would be awesome to have a "Michael Phelps Sucks" t-shirt, not because I really think he sucks... just because everyone is so in love with him and wants to smoke his pole right now.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Friday, August 08, 2008

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Penn & Teller

... are a great comedic/magician duo. I dunno what it is about these guys but I really like them. I feel like I could kick it with them, knock back a shot of crown and a brew chaser.

If you've never seen their Showtime show "Bullshit," I highly recommend it. The subject of this particular expose is Anger Management, and its tie into being Cleansmanship-worthy (besides the simple fact that "B.S." is an awesome show), is at about 15:30, when an "Anger Management Pianist" explains how he shifts his clients' "dark energy into light energy" through his personalized piano compositions, "releasing the cellular imprint of your anger."

Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Anger Management -

Monday, August 04, 2008

Tribute to Jean-Michelle Jarre

Jean-Michel Jarre - by Bill Bailey

The Grind

The grind is rife with burn.

The grind will burn you in a particular moment of clarity, when you stop to wonder what its all about and if it indeed gets any better than the times you've had in the past.

The grind slowly wears down, decays your product. Once brand new and factory sealed, its been outta the box for a quite some time, and your customers wonder how much more mileage it might be getting.

The grind does not stop or slow down. Contrary to popular myth, it does not increase in intensity over time, but one's ability to shake it off is what decreases.

The grind may not be gravy but without it we'd all be dull.