Monday, November 17, 2008

The Virtual Actuality Suit

Here it is, the final solution to all your Virtual Reality needs. Simply put, who needs virtual reality when you can have Actual Reality?

Whats this crazy fuckin' premise, you ask? Well, we personally believe the nextgen virtual reality suit should have vision, arm and leg movements carefully rendered and integrated with the utmost attention to the observable details of reality, just like you do. We believe sound, taste and smell should also be a realistically represented part of the virtual world, just as much as your parents did.

But what sets us apart from the slobs is our firm belief that this philosophy should be rendered to the fullest of possible extent, which includes providing you with the latest in pain simulation technologies. Sports, Action, Adventure and War games will take on a whole new definition of the meaning of virtual reality with the Virtual Actuality suit.

FEEL the defensive lineman's season-ending blow to your pelvis. PRAY for your death as zombies eat your flesh. EXPERIENCE true hell in man-to-alien combat.

THE VIRTUAL ACTUALITY SUIT delivers "artificial" pain to your brain's pain centers, tricking the brain into thinking it is receiving real pain! The suit also electronically activates jabbing pressure plates to recreate bullets, knives, javelins and maces, giving you that last touch to your video game experience that you were subconsciously wetting your bed over. I bet you didn't know that was why, did you?! NOW YOU KNOW!!!




Coming in 2009, the Gerification Suit -- no longer do you have to just simulate advanced age in your favorite Sim games!

(disclaimer: metaphors and similes were not used in these descriptions. you will die if you use these products.)

2 comments:

marchhare14 said...

"FEEL the defensive lineman's season-ending blow to your pelvis. PRAY for your death as zombies eat your flesh. EXPERIENCE true hell in man-to-alien combat."

ROFL!!!

That's one of the best things I've read on the internet in at least the last two hours.

Huge Larry said...

That's tight. I want to know what it feels like to be hit in the torso by Siso Nendar. GTA slute lap dances would also be choice.