Thursday, February 26, 2009

Important and ill-defined annoucement

My sister Kate has stumbled upon an inspired, perhaps even teeth-shattering idea: A Nintendo Party.

I know what you guys are thinking: "WTF is Josh talking about" and also probably "I don't care what he means by a 'Nintendo Party'"

Hear me out:
Not only will we be setting up a plethora of gaming systems, Kate has also invested in a tremendous number of extra-curricular activities to sweeten the deal. We're talking, yup, food, folks and (things that make life) fun. The food will be prepared in fun Nintendo-related ways. The drinks will flow exactly the way they wouldn't at a Mormon dance. And I'll be there.

And you'll be there. Well, maybe not Cy (geography issues), but Kevin, Cody and Matt are ESSENTIAL for this to work. I know that you aren't all Nintendophiles, but I also know you have a least a few fond memories of playing Super Mario Bros., Zelda or The Adventures of Super Mario Zelda. Tap into that nostalgia like you would tap a fine Japanese ass.

Finally, I do not know when this is going to go down, but there will be further warnings, omens, and signs posted on this very website. You guys are awesome. This party is going to be awesome. Therefore, you guys will be at this party.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Excerpts from "The Real History of Dubstep"

Found this on a Myspace blog, one of the most well-written, unpublished pieces of entertainment I've seen this year:

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

With the twenty-first century well underway, dubstep has established itself as the dominant musical sound right across the globe. Having swept aside all other genres, dubstep now emits unchallenged from the open windows of every house on every street in every town of every country in the world. The dubstep versioning of the Emmerdale theme music -- the last of the British soaps to adopt the sound for its titles -- has irrefutably cemented its legacy...

Dubstep emerged on the underground music scene around the turn of the twentieth-century, and was readily recieved by the bass-hungry Edwardians. The style, like "hip-foxtrot-hop" and "ragtime-dancehall" before it, was influenced and inspired by the advancements in loudspeaker technology that had taken place over the preceeding century. Dubstep music was created specifically to take full advantage of the astonishing capabilities of the collosal Victorian speaker boxes.

...In 1913 Russolo and Piatti developed the "dub-horns", which were designed specifically to produce the super sub-low basslines of dubstep music from a managable sized box. Piatti's vision, as he explained to Russolo, was to "build a cab no taller than a man's waist that can comfortably do 30Hz at 108dB, innit." This creation revolutionised the portability of sound-system, and by 1920 dubstep had spread from the music-halls into the homes of the masses. The British middle-class were renowned for their 3 day skankathon house parties, and it was said that no Georgian parlour was complete without a pair of Russolo and Piatti's thunderous "flannel flappers".

By the 1950s, dubstep had attained true international recognition, seen in such chart smashes as Bill Hayley and The Comets' "Brock Around the Clock" and "Skank, Rattle and Roll", and of course the big screen musical blockbuster "Skanking in the Rain". On his London stints, Elvis Presley himself would religiously visit Transition Studios get some exclusive dubplate cut. These subbed-out versions of The King's classics are now so saught after that -- even though the acetates are virtually unplayable -- the discs change hands for incomprehensible sums.

In the 1960s, the UK dubstep scene, confident in it's supremacy, saw no need to involve itself in the petty cross-cultural conflicts between the mods and the rockers. However, when the unenlightened began rioting on the streets and disturbing the dubsteppers' daily meditation it was recognised that decisive action needed to be taken. In May 1964, amid an organised clash between the mods and rockers, dubsteppers descended on Brighton beach armed with over 800kW of sound-system and proceeded to rally the warring tribes with serious riddim. Those that were not physically flattened by the cataclysmic bass frequencies fled in terror. Within five years most had abandoned their inferior genres and joined with the dubstep massive.

In the States, the hippie generation had truly taken dubstep to their hearts. The 1960s culminated in the gargantuan "Dubstock" festival, in which over a million young Americans descended upon New York state for "three days of peace and dubstep". Over the course of the successive decade, though, the young people found themselves persecuted by Richard Nixon's Republican regime. Nixon and his contemporaries claimed to correlate sub-low frequencies with communist conditioning, and set about trying to outlaw all things bassline. "Communism isn't sleeping", Nixon stated, "it is, as always, wobbling, wobbling, wobbling, wobbling..."

...Before long dubstep was dominating the broadcast airwaves. In 1989 the Astra 1A satellite was launched with the aim of affording the opportunity for "every home around the world to enjoy quality bass meditation on over 800 channels." Quite inevitably dubstep infiltrated all aspects of the growing multi-media market. By the 90s the rapidly developing games console industry were offering such titles as "Super Mario Steppaz" and "Sub-sonic the Hedgehog". TV programmes like "Dubbytubbies" extended the reach of serious riddim to pre-schoolers, giving the next generation of youngsters a positive foundation for a rewarding life. The 90s also saw the proliferation of mobile technology, and now, in the new millenium, it is possible to comfortably fit a 1kW scoop bin into your back pocket. This has been met with unanimous approval from the elderly community, who have blissfully reminisced about the seisemic bass-fest sessions they had "back in the day" while the youth test their new ring-tones at the back of the bus.

And now, we children of the twenty-first are steadfast in our quest to take the dubstep message far beyond the reaches of this tiny planet. At locations such at Parkes Dubversatory in New South Wales, Australia and the Jodrell Bank Experimental Bass-station near Cheshire, England, bassline is being transmitted deep into space. It is estimated that every solar system between here and Ursa Minor should be feeling the weight, and it is hoped that the party will last for millenia!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Quality - Valve Fucking Quality

First off, I feel like I owe myself and the entire blogging community, a giant, incoherently sloppy kiss for my long, largely-unnoticed absence from the 'sphere. You know, you need to wait for insperado to hit (and you never, as you know, know when it's going to hit) and then you need to harness it's slippery power on way to a star-making turn as the blogger of the Godforsaken English teachers. I'm coming out like Jaz-Z, hova, if you will, or a pre-heartbreak Kayne West. I'm walking with Jesus. I'm bigger than my body. And so on.

My wife is an interesting subject right now, as most of you know, she's pregnant as hell, and she's all hurt up. In only about two more months, it's going to be over, but the things that I'm finding out that she's going to have to go does this sort of thing happen on a regular basis? I'm probably going to pass out, if not from shock, exhaustion. The thing is, if anyone ever says "you'll understand when you have children" (which is one of the most specious of the logical fallacies), I'm no longer obliged to take that shit. I've had so many people say that to me over the years. If I say that to you at any point in the future, you have ever right to punch me in the penis.

Now multi player games are almost exclusively bread on competition over cooperation, Valve's excellent Left 4 Dead proves that you can reverse this trend. The atmosphere, the movie-like presentation, the tight controls and the cooperative game-play elements add up to the ultimate co-op game play in the history of the genre. If any of you have had the chance to play this first-person survival horror game, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I speak for everyone with good taste in games that Valve is a gift from the gods. Perhaps Bacchus. It stands to reason.

My dog is recovering well from his castration. I still feel guilty, but Sawyer is a trooper and he acts like he doesn't even notice it. Good job, dog. As strange experiences go, freaking out with ob sense amounts of nervous energy while he was at the vet's office ranks up there pretty high. It helps, thought, that Sarah was the same way. She was so nervous she actually played video games with me. It was heavenly.

This week was wonderful to have off - obviously - but it went by at an accelerated speed as usual. Here it is, Saturday night, and I am busy blogging like the goat less money man. I should be out, partying down and getting up, you know what I mean? Is there any reason I shouldn't be playing video games right now?

I bought a bunch of somewhat shit pop songs (Rihanna, Katy Perry, U2, Kayne West feat. Estelle, etc...shit), but I should make it clear that this is something that I'm trying to do because everyone does the same thing: get old, lose interest in pop music, and criminally miss out on great songs because they are "popular." I'm trying not to go that route. The road not taken, or something else pretentious-sounding. I did buy Kings of Leon and Animal Collective as well, which allows me to retain a small amount of my indie cred, like I fucking give a fucking fuck.

Games I'm Playing: Left 4 Dead, Gears of War 2, Rock Band 2, Fallout 3
Music: Kings of Leon, Galaxy 500, The Beatles, Faith No More

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The most talented man on earth

I like the part in the middle were he's pumping his fist 'in time'.

They cut out the part at the end were all the panties come flying at his head.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

To be done, or not to be done...

Do you guys ever get the feeling that willpower is the only thing stopping you from being near superhuman? I mean, we all know what we need to do in order to be successful, but we'd rather do other things because they're easier and more fulfilling in the short-term. Even if we know they're better for us in the long-term.

For example, I could spend all my after-work time promoting my music and attempting to make more music (I'm about to reformat my box and start from the ground up), but a lotta the time its much sweeter to get some good realm enders in on unsuspecting folk in GTAIV Free Mode.

I could spend an hour running and exercising after work every day, eat lots of organic vegetables & drink soy milk, but uh, not running & the grease-laden foodstuffs I put into my face make me feel good now.

So, how do you harness the willpower to follow to path of righteousness? Is it through salvation by Jesus Christ? Well, you know you guys, I've been doing a lotta reading at the Mega Site of Bible studies recently and I think maybe we've been missing out on some hot, religious tang...

Well, that about wraps er all up. Does her in.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

I'm so done...

Somebody stick a fork in me...

The best thing that life has to offer me right now is playing Mass Effect and then spanking it to Skinemax softcore porn.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Phelps farts in crowded elevator, alienates fans.

Seriously wtf is this shit! Anyone with that kind of inhuman ability to move through water deserves to take a bong hit now and then. Oh, but i forgot that when one achieves such indominable feats of physicality one must then conform to whatever unrealistic and misguided behavioural standards the retarded public would like to impose. But what about all the child-swimmers at the YMCA's that have had their faith shattered? Shouldnt our role-models be held accountable for their image? NO RETARDS! FUCK ROLE MODELS! BE A GODDAM INDIVIDUAL!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

pakt like heat in a pakt heat box

Josh & Kevin will be happy to know they got proper credits on the inside sleeve.. its a double CD. i put other pictures of it here:

I plan to start using more hi-qual sources from now on... I got to compete with what gets played at the clubs, if I want any notoriety. Or else hone in on my keyboard skillz, but you guys gotta come out here and force me to work on my chops. im on the verge of doing it myself... maybe once i've got a sweet live act going it will be motivation for you guys to come find your true calling over here... cuz you know its hot like that. like in a pakt heat box.