Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I’m becoming an emo douchefag.

Existential dirtiness keeps increasing as I get older, and all I’m able to do is complain about how tedious and pointless my life is.

I’m too indecisive and ineffectual to actually make any big changes, such as quitting my job or moving closer to my girlfriend.

In short, I suck.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

10 steps to an optimal Saturday. (Special Championship Bachelor Edition)

1.) Sleep in and watch "No Country for Old Men" before getting out of bed. - CHECK
2.) Exercise. - CHECK
3.) Catch up on blogs. - IN PROGRESS
4.) Independent chops building. - COMING UP NEXT
5.) Drink while watching the Lakers.
6.) Drink more.
7.) Street Fighter 4
8.) Watch another movie.
9.) Porn.
10.) Sleep.

You all wish your day could be that good.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jedi Beer Pong is Within Our Grasp

Pretty soon you won't even need a controller to play video games. I'd like to invent the game where your mission is to explode people's heads just by thinking about them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

David Deutsch Captures Proof of UFOs!

"You've heard of Crop Circles? Well, here's something even stranger which I have seen with my own eyes, and have personally photographed:

Crop Cylinders

Moreover, I will stake my scientific reputation on the proposition that these cylinders not only existed, but were no accident: they were placed there by intelligent beings - and later removed to a destination I can only guess at."

- David Deutsch

Freshly recompiled view files

...are good for arranging large quantities of data in a meaningful and pleasurable fashion.

Here's a new song I've been working on. I think it has potential, but is not quite finished. Feel free to record a guitar track for it if you are inspired; it kind of has a mid-Cure or even Emo chordage substrate. Why aren't we doing more collabs?

Monday, April 20, 2009

When did this happen?

O.K., so back in the day, when you were open in either basketball or football, you were said to be "open." Now, every time I watch either sport, no one is open, everyone is "uncovered"! It's even used as a verb in football, as in the sentence, "JaMarcus Russell was sacked while waiting for his receivers to uncover." I hate this.

Friday, April 17, 2009

My favorite games of 2008 (in decending order):

5) Braid
3) Gears of War 2
2) Left4Dead
1) Fallout 3

Basically, the first two are interchangeable because you could argue that Fallout 3 is the richest single-player game, while Left4Dead redefines co-op FPS dynamics. I love both games and play them as often as humanly possible.

Gears of War 2 is also on there for the multiplayer aspect (though I did enjoy the single-player campaign). The Horde, if you've played it with a full compliment of companions, is electrifying and hectic, much like all of Left4Dead (which is why left for dead is a better game).

Braid is a fucking weird but awesome game in old-school 2D platform style but with bizzaro Prince of Persia like time controls. The barren simplistic story is oddly fitting and I think that this is kinda like this year's Portal, except that Portal is probably better in several respects than the other games I've mentioned (I'm looking at you Fallout for your crappy FPS combat and you, Left4Dead because you're not nearly as amusing as GLaDOS from Portal).

We all know why GTA is good. I'll let you know when I start the missions and stop playing my own "Hit as many pedestrians as you can before the police can catch you" mini-game that's my go-to gaming style on all GTA games. Oh, except for when I use cheat codes to spawn boats on top of people/cars. That's a whole different awesome game-within-a-game.

J. Stewart once again pwns the right-tards

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Thu, Apr 16, 2009

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Texan = Pussy

Q: Why are right-wingers a far bigger terrorist threat than al Qaeda?

A: They actually have a shot at causing the country (as we know it anyway) to collapse:

First off, Texas will NEVER "secede from the union," because beneath the oversized and faux-cowboy exteriors, they're actually just a bunch of whiny, spoiled pussies.

How do I know this? If they weren't, they'd fucking do it already, instead of bitching and writing articles about it, trying to gain votes and public standing from it. The economy's not getting any worse, and the president's not getting any whiter, so if you want independence so bad, make your move now, Texas fags.
Nevermind the fact that supporting secession is the most unpatriotic thing a citizen can do (worse than terrorism, because where terrorism is simply anarchic, secession implies an active, coordinated effort to overthrow the government), you're a pussy ontop of a traitor if you don't make good on your threats.

Texan Pussies at work.

Really, I know that the right-tards who are most vocal about such fuckingstupidity are really just doing so to attract attention to themselves or sell a product, but are they even just the slightest bit aware of the mad fucking irony of their situation? I bet most of them still think they're "patriots" too...

God, people who are so easily manipulated and stupid should be forced to get the word "stupid" tatooed on their forearm, so that way not only is it easy for others to identify and avoid them, but when they do something really fucking moronic and wonder how they screwed things up so bad, they can just look at their arm and say, "oh yeah, that's how, I'm fucking stupid!"

Well, there are a few upsides to Texas leaving the union:

1. The IQ of the average American will go up 10 points.
2. We'll once again be behind China in executions per capita.
3. George W. Bush will finally be kicked out of the country.
4. We can make Canada the 50th state!
5. Or, we can go to war with Texas, reclaim it, and weed out all the aforementioned dumbfucks in the process, leaving it a more respectable place to live in.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

did you know...

... there was a synth patch in Reason 4 called "Alan Turing's Dream?" I would put it in a track, but only if it sounded like a real human. Which it doesn't, its more of a fantasia pad thingamajig.

also, i updated this post to include a link to a fresh jam i've been working on, which could actually be played by a 4 piece, and some effect pedals:

Cyrusfx 2.0

I gotta say, Reason 4.0 is pretty tight, clean and best of all, doesn't require that much CPU from my internal brainhole. You could have it occupy all the brainhole you want, but its mostly occupied with other things already. Sometimes I muster up the courage to sit in front of a computer for 14 hours in a day (probably nothing compared to some of Co's work experiences), but there's nothing like coming home from a day of staring at the computer to more computer staring.

This is for Cody

Monday, April 06, 2009

Biker Party Set

Beer mug, shot glass, bong and meth pipe. All in hard-wearing shatter-proof glass, stamped with the infamous Angels of Death insignia. Cannabis and methamphetamine sold separately.

(available from well not really, this is from the new GTA "add-on"...)

I got h4Xorzed!

Somebody set my check card up the fraudulence.

I feel like I've been raped.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Sorry Kevin

I don't know why I was being such a douche bag about those videos you posted. I deserve to be hurt.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Kobe Puts the "Rape" in ThRee point AttEmPts

Watching the Lakers/Houston game tonight, it became more apparent than ever that Kobe is insanely good when he wants to be. The last few minutes he was in during the fourth quarter were some of the best I've seen all season. He just murdered the Rockets. They had been hanging around all game - and they are quite good, I might add - but then Kobe comes in and the following sequence of events took place:
1) Kobe hits a ridiculous jump shot from the baseline while behind the backboard.
2) Kobe hits a hotly contested three point shot.
3) Kobe comes down on the very next possession and hits another hotly contested three point shot.

This is why the Lakers, and not the Cavs (who were blown out by the Magic tonight after losing to the Washington-Goddamned-Wizards last night) will win the NBA title. I don't care that the Cavs have only lost once at home. That one loss came against the Lakers. When Kobe decides to win a game now, the Lakers usually do. Watching the Cavs the last two nights, Lebron, as good as he is, isn't quite there yet. I think the Lakers will come through this year in the playoffs. They're considerably harder than they were last year, as they seem to know how to hold on in close games now. They're defense is much better. They really lost to the Celtics last year in part to their lack of aggressiveness in the front court - that's not there anymore. Odom pulls down 20 rebounds sometimes, and Pau has a bunch of awesome moves in his post game. Their bench is tougher. I think this is the year that Kobe finally gets the monkey off of his back for never having won a championship without Shaq.

I found some goodness...

Crystal Antlers

Plants and Animals

Josh will like this. No one else will care that much.

Obama BSG

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Growin' up proper...

I hope there are plenty of 'greens' in that burrito.

Here are some noodlebaker candidates for yur youngins.

1) What is the most significant economic obstacle your parents face right now and what lessons are you learning about it?

2) Throughout your education you have developed your rational/critical faculties and your capacity to apply your ideas and knowledge to real world problems. Should you be doing this? Is this a good idea? Does this idea survive critical examination? (Can we conjecture and refute the theory which prescibes the conjecture/ refution process?)

3) What major smoke product company will be the first to capatilize on the recent legitimization of marijauna in certain parts of the country?

4) If you own a gun, are you more likely to kill someone?

5) If I have one apple in the basket and I add one more, I get two apples because 1+1=2. But if I have one water drop rolling down the window pane and it adds to another water drop, they combine into 1 water drop. But 1+1=2, not 1. How do we reconcile this? [This one is subtle.]

6) What do you hate most about your worst enemy?

7) Does the Gov't bailout of companies violate the principles of the free market?

An idea for a journal that will cornhole my students' minds

So every day I start the class with ten minutes of writing based on a journal prompt I come up with: it's a quote, a news story, a hypothetical question, song lyrics, etc...

So here's my idea:

I'll tell my student about a recently released study that showed that people who are more critical and skeptical are perceived by others to be smarter than they actually are. I will not actually show my students this article, I'll just say I read it. Then, after they spend 15 minutes explaining to me why this is, I will tell them that I made up this article and in fact there is no correlation between skepticism and perceived intelligence.

Then after that, I'll show them the article, which is in fact, real.

Do you think my students will understand the 7-layer burrito of irony?

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Josh Hartnett shits self following late-night Taco Bell binge.

The actor's underdeveloped gastrointestinal tract, the result of mild down syndrome, left him ill-prepared to deal with said eats.

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