Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I’m becoming an emo douchefag.

Existential dirtiness keeps increasing as I get older, and all I’m able to do is complain about how tedious and pointless my life is.

I’m too indecisive and ineffectual to actually make any big changes, such as quitting my job or moving closer to my girlfriend.

In short, I suck.


  1. You should make a distortion-heavy album with a 3 piece band. Name it "Saved by Voltron". Buy some Buddy Holly glasses, some hair gel, a plaid shirt and lyricize how the world revolves around your feelings...

    No, in all seriousness, I hear you.

    My life at this point involves doing what I can to not further a slide down a slippery slope of inaction that can only end in regret and severe bitterness.

    Its weird because I can feel the stuff I need to do passing by me in realtime yet rarely do I actually attempt to intervene and do said stuff.

    But make no mistake, you're right: life is random and therefore pointless. The hard part is figuring out what to do to make yourself happy in the meantime.

  2. 'life is random and therefore pointless'

    really, still? Havent learned anything during that time that might lead you to think otherwise?

  3. "Havent learned anything during that time that might lead you to think otherwise?"

    Yes. And then I learned that that stuff was b.s.

    People just feel more comfortable if they assign meaning to their existence.

    You can attach a biological meaning to life in that the purpose of life is to procreate -- that makes the most sense to me -- but the bottom line is we came from dust and at the end of the day will return to dust, so... if you insist on there being a "point" to all that (other than "don't die"), be my guest...

  4. Things could be worse. Your wife could be 9 months pregnant.

    And I agree with Cy about life being "pointless," but I don't see that as a bad thing. It's very liberating when you're not trying to construct meaning out of chaotic events.

  5. Yes Josh,

    actually after doing some thinking on the pot, I logged on right now just to add a caveat that was in the spirit of your comment:

    Just because life is "pointless" doesn't mean that its "worthless."

    I can think of points _to_ live all the time, I just can't think of the point _of_ life, and why it came about in the first place.

    Like I say, its always made more sense to me that there be nothing at all than a big bang.

    I enjoy the challenge of trying to put together the rubix cube of why the universe unfolds the way it does, and I enjoy bodysurfing, which is what I'm gonna go do right now, and I don't know what direction I'm taking the end of this post.

  6. It seems like there are roughly two attitudes toward this 'life meaning' issue.

    1) Jesus died for our sins; the self's conscious life persists through reincarnation; some other newagey or antiquated crap, etc.

    2) There is no point to life.

    Unfortunately I've found that people too intelligent to accept the first options slip by default towards the second. But is that really a better option than the first? As ludicrous as Christianity (or any traditional religion) might be, at least the faithful are trying to answer the deep questions. If you dont care about 'the point of life' thats fine of course. But isnt the confident assertion that there simply 'is no' meaning a bit naive? Obviously there are patterns within reality which we can sus out rationally. I don't see why we shouldn't be able to do this with the deep questions.

  7. I'm proud that my depression-fueled whining has morphed into such a maelstrom of heated philosophical debate.

    I think the crucial point to take home is that regardless of whether or not life has any point or meaning, it's still gay, and by gay I mean that it's a real knock-your-dick-in-the-dirt downer.

  8. "at least the faithful are trying to answer the deep questions."

    I disagree. As a matter of fact, I think the "faithful" give up asking the deep questions first because they rely on faith that "God knows what he's doing; to question this is blasphemy."

    The answer to a religious person's question of why we exist is always deferred to being part of God's plan, and that's not a suitable answer for me personally.

    Take the issue of evolution for example -- the Bible says the world and all life was created in seven days. As a rational, educated human, do you prefer to go on faith that the bible was right or do you seek answers that make the most sense to you?

    Either you believe your consciousness will remain intact after death and you will continue to exist as a non-physical entity, or you believe the neural activity that gives rise to consciousness ceases when the brain stops receiving blood when the heart stops beating, and you return to your pre-birth state...

    There really isn't much room in-between the two concepts. I always like hearing alternative explanations of death, but they always end up falling into one category or the other.

    "The point of life is to try to be happy and to continue to live," can we agree upon that maybe?

  9. Can't you see?
    We can't breathe
    In a prison
    built for the weak
    They say to me
    with aplomb
    just focus and
    feel him speak
    but I say
    with aplomb
    that the feeling's

  10. ...and so that feeling needs to be replaced with something rational.

    On the point of happiness, yes, in that sense a/the point of life is to be happy. Thats a good prescription for behavior.

    But I'm further concerned with the 'meaning of life' in the cosmological sense. What are we doing here? What descriptive theory about ourselves can we put forward? Humanity needs to explain itself as if it has discovered the science of itself for the first time (which in a way it has). What all the old 'humanistic' science havent yet recognized the relevance of yet is the long term arc of human knowledge production, assimilation, exploitation (etc.) through history. We are transforming the given (ie. natural) world into the desired (ie. artificial) world through the exploitation of our conceptual representations of the structure of the world. Why has the cosmos evolved from nebulous megamasses into self-actualizing think bots? I think the 'meaning of life' questions can at least be partially answered somewhere along these lines. But this worldview wont make you cry for jesus's suffering or gasp in awe at the cow you think is your grandfather. Its just phenomena changing structure over time under various influences, and no one wants to hear about that, except maybe black people. :)

  11. Kevin,

    There exists a particular universe in the multiverse in which you are homosexual and you don't even play the guitar.

    You can take solace in the fake that you are in one of the Kevin-hetero/Kevin-chops-hot universes.

  12. Kevin, I think that the way we ascribe a "point" or "meaning" to existence is pointless because of the sheer amount of subjectivity involved.

  13. Grr... I of course meant to write "fact" not "fake" in my last comment.

  14. I wanna be in the universe where Paco de Lucia fawns over MY chops. BTW, my pull offs still suck. I'll never forgive myself.

    In a way, my chops give my life meaning. My life would be really empty without them. I need to insure my hands for millions of dollars.

  15. I'm glad my chops are not an expression of my worth! I wouldn't be worth much.

    Then think about why society deems me "useful" - I teach people how to read and write more complex materials. Isn't that a bizzare purpose? Sometimes I think it doesn't really matter what I do because so much learning is indirect.

    And then there are classes where you can't possible get even a small minority to learn a damn thing. The resist the very idea. Call it stupid, but the part in "Idocracy" where the main character's stupid friend is looking at a word and another person sees him doing so and asks, "Why do you keep trying to read that word. You a fag?" because it is hilariously accurate in terms of the direction our culture is headed (as seen in H.S. students).

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. Let me also say this:
    I think there's probably an objective reality out there.
    I think we're too flawed to ever understand all aspects of said reality because of our inability to ever understand some aspects of this reality, as we are bound by our flawed and subjective sense.
    I suspect that even if we were truly able to understand the whole of existence, it would not give us a sense of "purpose" unless we decided to ascribe one for some arbitrary reason.

    (Attn: previous post erased because of typo - this is the same post with aforementioned typo fixed.)

  18. Let's get this up to 100 posts!

  19. I'm still emo and depressed. Even with all these comments, you guys have done nothing to avert the suicide I've been contemplating.

  20. IFT 20th comment!

    We should start a new blog in this comment section.

  21. Cy, I couldn't agree with you more.

  22. It won't be that difficult to reach a hundred if we all spam short comments like this one...

  23. Short comments be clean.

    Work be gay.

    Turkey be eats.

    Nested sub blogs within comments also be eats.

  24. Josh, more oft than not, when I look at your avatar I see a frowny face with a blinking eyebrow, even though I realize its supposed to be a "v" eyebrow with a blinking mouth. I wonder if that's because I'm left handed.

  25. Cy, my avatar is actually the prompt on the computer in the Hatch from Lost. It's not supposed to be frowning or angry, and I just realized that was a possible interpretation when you pointed it out to me.

  26. I realize this post is dead, but when I look at josh's avatar I too see an angy face, for what it's worth, which isn't much.