Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Never Shake a Keiki

That was the title of a post of a blog. It rhymes and has interesting cadence.

Kevin, when I'm back, you have to tell me about what compression actually is and how I can use it in Reason to help my clean level get higher.

Rar: Vacation Go.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Sad Death Of Billy Mays

First little Billy Glib, now Billy Mays?  What a sad, sad world... who can I trust to hock me wares now?


Let's face it: some places are teh sux0rz, and there's not much we can do about it except make fun of them. Since their governments suck, these people probably don't have internet access or cannot afford a plane ticket to come kick my ass, so I present to you my newest idea for a website I'll never make, FailStates.

1. South Ossetia (2008 Russia-Georgia War over Lighters)

2. Democratic Republic of Congo (sometimes democracy wills child soldiers)

3. Somalia (most Pirates flunked physics in high school)

4. Iran (criminally less sexy than the female Israeli Commandos)

5. Thailand (self-immolating Buddhist monk disguised as riot policeman)

(ps -- I'll be back in SB starting Weds morning, for a week... Anyone down for some frolf?)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

My Life

Here’s a short snippet of what I’ve been looking at all day for the past three days:

[122285] U FROM [] (165) [Sent 94803 Remo ] [Prev 00000000] [Unit 5319; 10; ] [Unit 5318; 23; ] [Unit 5320; 71; ] [Session: 4401185 0]
[122285] U TO [] (533) [Sent 122285 Remo ] [Prev 00000000] [Unit 6782; 39; ] [Unit 6784: 451; <6771:2> ] [Session: 4401185]
[122289] U TO [] (51) [Sent 122288 Remo ] [Prev 00000000] [Unit 5318; 23; ] [Session: 0]
[122289] U FROM [] (98) [Sent 156061 Remo <2:122285>] [Prev 00FFEBFF] {AK 6782}{AK 6784} [Unit 1459; 39; ] [Session: 0]

I swear that every minute I spend examining these software logs, my dick gets smaller and my chops get softer.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Coming to get you, bitches

I come to Santa Barbara bringing ill-will and cock-locking beats.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Rise of the Idiots

Nathan Barley

(embedding disabled by request)

"Click on Diarea to see my new phone. Its also a camera, its also mp3 decks, and its been out for 3 weeks in Japan. Where's yours?"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My Website Sucks

Woke up one mornin' with a fire in my belly
Get a presence on the net, try and make some money
Hey hey, hey hey, my website sucks.

Gonna build a fanbase, make sure my content's funny
Design a novel product, make sure my PayPal's running
Hey hey, hey hey, my website sucks.

Gonna spam blitz the scene, create a WordPress theme
Deletin' comments obscene, keepin' the HTML clean
Hey hey, hey hey, my website sucks.

Hey hey, your website's pretty gay -ay -ay
Shame shame, your website's pretty la -a -ame
There's a million better ways to waste the time of a day
Hey hey, hey hey, you're website's gay.


ps - I'm coming back to SB for the first week of July

Monday, June 08, 2009


My Graduation Speech

"Dear Botlets of '09,

The real world is a disappointing filth sty with no point or reason. Indeed, the real world is a shitpile, and it is divided up into 2 kind of people -- those who are in the shit and those who are doing the shitting.

You - all of you, as a matter of fact - will be in the pile, so get used to it now.

From the time of your birth you are being grown into the part of consumer machine, trained to spend your money on pointless products that you make at a pointless job so you can continue your pointless existence, perhaps having a little bit of sex along the way so the cycle can continue, which is - in essence - pointless.

You will be told by the media and government that you have free will and are free to "do as you please," although this happens to be exactly what has been subconsciously implanted into your brain across years of TV and radio propoganda bombardment.

But oh, my Botlets! You are being lied to! A handful of unimaginably powerful individuals are keeping the world poor and sickly in order to maintain the severe imbalance of power which favors them. This includes keeping you separate from the truth, which is, the world could be a much better place if we all did mushrooms and smoked pot... "

(assassination happens around this point in speech)

If the Lakers can play that badly...

and still win, I don't think we have anything to worry about Cody.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Off to host graduation

Nothing like speaking in front of seven thousand people to shake your confidence down to your loins.

When the Lakers win, I'm happy. When they lose, I hate life...

...so I'm happy tonight. Too bad I have to work tomorrow. At least this jack and coke is keeping me clean for the time being.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Some Great Google Ads

Guess which one is from Myspace, and which one is from Drudge Report

(Jesus must be a lucky man, you know, to always be "coming")

(if you're stupid enough to click this link, your husband probably is gay because you turned him that way, or because you were too stupid to notice he was gay in the first place)

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Kode9 & audioterrorism

From FactMagazine

"Sound can be deployed to produce discomfort, express a threat, or create an ambience of fear or dread-to produce a bad vibe. Sonic weapons of this sort include the "psychoacoustic correction" aimed at Panama strongman Manuel Noriega by the U.S. Army and at the Branch Davidians in Waco by the FBI, sonic booms (or "sound bombs") over the Gaza strip, and high frequency rat repellants used against teenagers in malls. At the same time, artists and musicians generate intense frequencies in the search for new aesthetic experiences and new ways of mobilizing bodies in rhythm.

In Sonic Warfare, Steve Goodman (aka Kode9) explores these uses of acoustic force and how they affect populations.

Most theoretical discussions of sound and music cultures in relationship to power, Goodman argues, have a missing dimension: the politics of frequency. Goodman supplies this by drawing a speculative diagram of sonic forces, investigating the deployment of sound systems in the modulation of affect. Traversing philosophy, science, fiction, aesthetics, and popular culture, he maps a (dis)continuum of vibrational force, encompassing police and military research into acoustic means of crowd control, the corporate deployment of sonic branding, and the intense sonic encounters of sound art and music culture."

I needed a place to put this picture

Monday, June 01, 2009

Star Wars MMORPG from BioWare.

I know this is only a cinematic, but it's nice.

Josh, don't you wish you waited another year to have a child?

My New Favourite Disclaimer

So I was watching tv and this commercial for emerald nuts came on, with the following disclaimer:

"Never commit arson.  Not even once."

Aging Wigga Icon Gets Faux-Gay Balls In Face