Friday, December 31, 2010

It hurts me to say this, but...

Tron Legacy was pretty much a fail.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Fun for the whole family!

Product Description

Confirm suspicions of infidelity of a spouse or significant other, Determine if minor children are engaging in sexual intercourse. Collect evidence that may prove signs of sexual child molestation. Semen Detection Spy Kit uses an extremely accurate testing method called PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen). PSA is one of the major proteins found in seminal fluid and it can also be found in the absence of spermatozoa in the case of men whom have had a vasectomy. Scientists have been able to recover PSA from semen stains as old as 30 years! By using the enclosed Semen Detection Spy UV light you may find suspicious stains that you can test for semen..

Important things I've learned from 32 years on this planet

1. It is imperative that you keep your asshole clean.

2. What you're shitting out isn't what you ate in your last meal but rather the meal(s) before it.

3. Taste be damned: fiber, fruits and vegetables are your friends.

4. A saltwater bath can becalm a fiery asshole or any singed area of anatomy.

5. Trans-fat substitutes are not food and should be avoided, but this already happens in the digestive cycle.

6. Garlic is not only a tasty ingredient but good for your colon and general ass health.

7. Regularity, robustness and roundness -- the real 3 R's for success.

8. A meal filled with grease and alcohol can be offset by a dessert of cheese and milk.

9. Nobody could actually produce a 6-Couric shit and survive.

10. Wash your asshole, with soap and water!

*results tested in a laboratory setting, individual results may differ

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Weekly Obituaries

Geary Unlearned, renowned humanitarian and author of the New York Times best seller, "Why People Are Stupid Pieces of Shit and So Are You," passed away in his sleep last night. He was 13.

Thousands of friends, family and well-wishers gathered around his Philadelphia estate where his body was on display - one hand outstretched to display his middle finger and the other firmly clenching his balls - as according to his last wishes.

Geary leaves behind 8 children, 4 grand-children and 2 great-grand-children, all of which are named Geary, and not actually his children but rather clones of himself.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Is it wrong that I feel we need a wee bit of this?

Strange days in Greece. That shit probably won't happen here for a good 50 years or so, if it does happen.

But still I can't help but think we need a good riot every once in a while to shake things up, to remind us that that we are beasts and there are actually no rules at all, except the rules of nature. And to remind us we are always just sort of passively agreeing to conform for the sake of a functioning society.

Also, the new stupid "reaction" buttons below are for humor purposes only. I will disengage them after the mirth has been spread by a standard deviation.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Best Part of Wall Street 2: the Search for More Money

YouTube has this supertechnology which won't let me embed this clip I uploaded because it automatically knows its from a modern film, but the entire movie (besides the lame family relationship A-story) can be surmised in this sequence.

The setup is that the CEOs of the major banks are discussing how to deal with the financial collapse in 2008, right after Lehman brothers failed. I especially like the crazy old timer and wtf is going on with his whistling.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Selling England by the Pound

I listened to this again today. It was good.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

So, yeah...

That was weird...

But anyway, howabout that Jon Kitna? I'm thinking about dropping Peyton to pick him up, as I feel that dynasty is coming to an end.

Friday, December 03, 2010


I’m slightly worried about some of the CG in Tron Legacy--specifically, the scenes where they show the young version of Flynn, who seems to be the evil nemesis of the older looking Dude-era Flynn. It seems that the plan is to approximate the look of a young Jeff Bridges, but it just looks so synthetic and gooey to me. I suppose I can accept it in the context of the computer world, wherein things might look synthetic by nature, but that doesn’t really hold water because none of the other actors portraying programs have gooey faces like that. Also, the trailer shows a scene where the true young Flynn of the past says goodbye to his son in the real world, and that looks unclean as well. I guess I’ll just have to look past this visual uncleanliness and try to enjoy the heat.

Here’s some of the non-clean stuff:

Friday, November 26, 2010

James Bond vs. the Alien Dillholes

He made a fucking movie

The real damage begins at about :50, you might want to skip to then.
Might not be as funny without the context of the entire movie, but this is prolly the best SNL movie in a while.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

New Quotes

That endful night, Pieter Osgood shouldn't have reclined in his comfy futon so easily, but he was unaware of the 1k lb. gorilla in the room, which was Bane, who then proceeded to mash Pieter's cranium with his bare hand.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Awesome story.

Wis. man accused of shooting TV over Palin dance

When Palin, the 20-year-old daughter of tea party favorite Sarah Palin, began her routine, Cowan jumped up and began swearing, saying something like "The (expletive) politics." His wife said he was upset that a political figure's daughter was dancing on TV even though he felt she didn't have talent.

Janice Cowan told investigators her husband left the living room and reappeared 20 minutes later with his shotgun, "raging" with his face bright red, and blasted the TV. She said he then pointed the gun at her and told her to go fetch his pistols, and threatened to kill himself if she brought anyone back. According to the criminal complaint, Steven Cowan's daughter recently took away his handguns for safekeeping. It did not elaborate.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Ballad of Coach Hess

... I can't think of anything clever to write at the moment but this has the makings of a good ballad.

Friday, November 12, 2010

No, it can't be... I just sent you back to the future!

I know, I know you did send me back to the future Doc, but I'm back, I'm back from the future.

Yes, in a few short hours it will be the 55th anniversary of the lightning strike at the clock tower which allowed Marty to return to good old 1985. Today is also the 55th anniversary of Marty's reappearance in 1955, where he reacquired the sports almanac (from 2015) that old Biff stole and gave to his younger self on, you guessed it, Nov 12 1955. It's almost as if that date in time is some sort of temporal junction point for the entire space-time continuum. On the other hand, it could just be an amazing coincidence. Nov 12, 1955 is also when Doc Brown inadvertently got sent back to 1885, as a shocked Marty watched in horror. At least he recovered the almanac, though, and prevented the time line from skewing into that horrible tangent. No, it's Hill Valley alright, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse. This was also the night of the famous 'Enchantment Under the Sea' dance, where Marty tore it up and invented Rock n Roll while also saving himself from oblivion. Wow, what a night.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

notorious life liver for the vicarious

"Knowledge without miles equals bullshit." - Henry Rollins

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Mad @ California / Prop. 19

"The #1 reason why marijuana is still illegal: nobody can remember where they left the petitions."

-George Carlin, 1973

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Quaid Damage

We need Obama to issue a presidential pardon for big Randy so he can quit hiding out in Canada, come back to Santa Barbara and fuck some more shit up.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Thursday, October 07, 2010


I think my last post was so lame that it effectively stymied all other posting for an extended duration. I hereby lift the moratorium on posting with this soft post, which cancels out the softness of my last post much in the same way that a lesbian trapped inside a man's body can be perceived as being straight.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Return of the Shat...

Could be a PoS, but it's good to see that the Kirk can get work other than commercials.

Friday, September 10, 2010

A legacy of failure.

This website cracks me up as does the URL itself:

Week One Picks

SAINTS (-5) over Vikings
This season should be a good one for me for the following two reasons:
1) The Packers look great. Experts and casual fans alike are fawning over their exceptional preseason, and who can blame them? They’re putting up a lot of points, they had the top-ranked defense last year, and Aaron Rodgers is the next elite QB – that is if you don’t already think he is an elite QB. I think that anyone who watches football at my house this year will hear a lot of screams of joy from my wife. That sounded weird.

2) The Vikings look terrible. Aside from the unfortunate Sidney Rice injury, Favre is a year older with a bum ankle, and they only have three CBs. This is something that most teams would consider to be a problem. Will they run the ball and stop the run? Certainly, but it takes more than that to win a division with the Packers in it. And Sarah hates the Vikings the way that I’m supposed to hate the Giants. She understands rivalry. She hates anything purple.Anyway, I expect the Saints to put up 35 by half-time and then cruise to victory in the second half. I have a really bad feeling about this Vikings team, and that makes me happy.

Panthers (+7) over GIANTS
Man, I miss Jake Delhomme already, don’t you? I love watching a game with this question in the back of my mind: “How many interceptions does he have to throw before Fox benches him? 3? 6? 12? I honestly have no idea.” I’ll miss that. As for the actual pick, I’m not sold that the Giants are a top-tier team yet. They did fairly well last year, but I’m not sure where the improvement is going to come from. They have essentially the same core they had last year, and I have the feeling that Eli is about as good as he’s ever going to be. Tom Coughlin looks like Emperor Palpatine. Just sayin’.

Packers (-3) over EAGLES
Let me clear this up: I think the Eagles are going to be a good team (again) this year. I still like their defense and as long as Kolb can manage to NOT throw 4 interceptions a game, I think their running back committee should be able to keep them in a lot of games. Not this game though, and I’m a little shocked that the Packers are only a 3 point favorite, given the amount of preseason hype they’ve accumulated. It almost seems like the kiss of death to receive so much praise before the season even starts, but it’s not that far-fetched, considering that the Packers were very good last year and lost in one of the most entertaining and ridiculous playoff games in my memory.

Dolphins (-3) over BILLS
Who is on the Bills? Is their QB still J.P. Losman? Whatever happened to Beast Mode? Unless the Bills are the Padres of the NFL, I have no idea how they win more than four games this year. I guess the Padres’ secret weapon was their bullpen, but I have no clue as to what the Bills secret weapon might be. Playing their games in Canada? The loyal Bills crowd? Their mastermind coach? Never mind, I don’t even know who the fuck their coach is.

Falcons (-2) over STEELERS
The Falcons are certainly better than their record indicated last season. The Turner injury was the breaking point, but if you look at the way Jason Snelling ran the ball after Turner was out, you can see that the offense line is still there. It seems like they made a classic blunder with a second-year QB: They tried to turn Matt Ryan into Tom Brady overnight. I have no idea what Matt Ryan’s ceiling actually is, but were I the Falcons coach, I would limit his pass attempts and pound other teams with my running game. I would also have a mistress on the side.

BEARS (-6) over Lions
Look, I want the Lions to be good as much as the next guy, but I need to see something from them before I start picking against the grain. Yes, I know Jay Cutler is horrible and Matt Forte killed an untold number of fantasy teams last year (I almost picked him with the second pick in the draft last year…), but I still have to believe that the Bears can beat the Lions at home on opening day. I know it’s very possible that the Lions have some sort of turn around this year, but I’m not expecting more than six wins out of them, and I don’t think their resurrection starts week one.

PATRIOTS (-4.5) over BengalsI can’t get over last year’s playoff loss to the Jets. I don’t remember the last time I saw a playoff team look so terrible in an actual playoff game. Actually, that’s a lie, because I remember the Dolphins loss to the Ravens. Moving on.

Colts (-2) over TEXANS
Same thing with the Lions – the Texans need to show me that they can
win these sorts of games before I start picking them to beat the Colts. I think this will be a close game, but I ultimately see only two ways this game can end: With Peyton Manning engineering a masterful last minute drive, or with Matt Schaub choking in the final minutes. Let me put it this way: Schaub is a better fantasy QB than real-life QB, if you understand my meaning.

TITANS (-6) over Raiders
The Raiders are going to be better this year, but you can’t ignore the way the Titans finished their season. After they started V. Young, everything changed for them. The running game improved (somehow! It was already brilliant), their defense started to clamp down, and I’ll be damned if Jeff Fisher doesn’t know how to coach. Tom Cable? Not so sure yet. I hear he throws a mean right-hook though.

JAGS (-2.5) over BroncosThe first in a line of games I don’t really even want to think about. I guess I’ll go with the Jags because their at home, but that line is curious. They’re saying that the Broncos are .5 points better than the Jags. I say both teams are bad.

Browns (+2.5) over BUCS
Yes! Jake Delhomme! Again, two terrible teams, but won’t it be fantastic to see Delhomme without the aid of Steve Smith, DeAngelo or Jon Stewart? I can only hope that his fantasy numbers are in the negative by A LOT, say minus 17.5, with five interceptions, 4 sacks, two fumbles lost and broken tear ducts.

Niners (-3) over SEAHAWKS
O.K. Yes, the Niners look very good this year. I even heard one analyst say that the Dolphins were “The Niners of the AFC.” I thought this was curious because the Niners play in the easiest division in the NFL while the Dolphins play in the AFC east, with three potential playoff contenders. Alex Smith and Chad Henne are similar, right? How about Patrick Willis and Chaning Crowder? Mike Singletary and Tony Sparano? Singletary looks like a football coach while Sparano looks like the stereotypical heavy drinking, polish sausage-eating NFL fan.

Cardinals (-4) over RAMS
I hate this game. I don’t want to talk about it.

Ravens (+2.5) over JETS
I don’t understand this line. I know that the Jets made an improbable playoff run last year, and that their defense is feared, etc. However, just thinking about the two teams, don’t the Jets just seem like a lesser version of the Ravens? Flacco > Sanchez. Rice > Shonn Greene. Boldin > Braylon. I guess the sense in the NFL is that defense wins and since the Jets defense was so dominating next year, they’re just going to continue to do so. And maybe they will, but the Ravens seems like a better overall team, and their defense isn’t terrible either…

CHIEFS (+5) over Chargers
Let’s take the Chiefs at home and see what happens. There are so many questions surrounding the Chargers right now, I can’t figure them out. It’s like trying to look at one of those magic eye pictures at the mall. Can they stop the run? I don’t know, but I know that Jamaal Charles CAN run. (By the way, note to Jamaal’s parents: What the fuck is with that extra “a”? Seriously? Don’t do that anymore. Jesus Christ, NFL players have the largest number of made up sounding names in all sports. LaDainian? Jahvid? Jermichael? Carnell? Just stop already.)

REDSKINS (+3.5) over CowboysFuck the Cowboys and hope for big games out of Cooley and Santana Moss.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

I bought a new nerd box.

It's hot and fast and has a lot of storage space. I'm almost ready to reenter the world of PC gaming.

Deviant Profile #5

This disgraced model citizen and former man of the people was caught cutting the "Flammable - do not remove" tag off a mattress in front of a police officer. For their safety, keep him away from your daughters, and slender sons.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Why Glenn Beckists are irrelevant

Its interesting how you have to have Some College in order to enjoy Glenn Beck. You can kind of enjoy him with No College, but you won't understand some of the bigger words and concepts, like "repatriation," or "tea-bagging."

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Why Numbers Matter: The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Andrew Horowitz and Terry Bradford ($100+ million in combined investment capital) discuss why the S&P500's 1040 is historically a make-or-break level for major market trends. Terry believes the market to be in an overall downtrend, and Andrew is just the host who tries to remain in the middle, and a real Mensch.

I sold all my stocks except 1 on Monday because I haven't really been able to see for the past couple days, but if I had let them keep going I would have been up four or five more percentage points, which is considerably large. The sale is one of the parts I'm still working on, the world being blurry doesn't help.

The best possible way to analyze human behavior is through quantifiable measurement. Of course humans drive the creation of data; the only way to accurately measure the size of the drive is through differentiating the data.

Since all stocks go up or down in price, I would say knowing which stock to buy is about 40% of the equation. Knowing when to buy it is another 30, knowing when to sell is another 30. After this I'm not gonna post this stuff anymore, obviously it brings up some weird animosity issues. I like a good debate but it can't begin with someone wanting to give me a "reality check," because the reality is, my first publicly-announced stock picks made a shitload of money this week.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The WTC and Mosques

George Bush andmany others have told us that terrorists hate us because of our
freedoms. Well, what better way to show our dedication to freedom of
religion than building a mosque at the WTC. Christians, it's the
ultimate example of "turning the other cheek," so I'd expect you guys
to be on board with this as well.

End of discussion.

Where's Matt Lydon During All This?

He's in a season 7 episode of Bullshit! with Penn & Teller.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Data Whisperer

He can talk to data.

here's some starting "evidence" for Kevin.

ARQL triggered an Engulfing Line followed up by heavy volume on 8/26 & 27.

COCO had a good Value Score but some bad news in the past, and triggered an Inverted Hammer on 8/24, was followed up by and Engulfing Line and heavy volume on 8/25.

YCS was recommended by a podcast investor I listen to which has some decent fundamental and technical potential at the moment, and not the result of a triggered event.

HOGS had a tremendous Value Score (for some reason I called it "Value Metric PE"), about 2.5x the average score, a triple-moving-average crossover, a good MACD entry and an ever-climbing Commodity Channel Index.

HMSY had nothing going for it but I had made money off it in the past. It was at a lowpoint and I bought it, and then it sank a bit below resistance and I sold it for a 2% loss. 

So if you had invested $10,000 in these 5 stocks 2-3 days ago you would have made somewhere between $300-$500, which beat the Dow Jones' $100 by a good margin.

I know, you could say, "this certainly proves nothing and could be dumb luck," but at least its something tangible that I can get my head around. If you want me to explain the relevancy of any of the measurements I use, feel free to ask.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A glaringly obvious investment analogy...

Larry Hopeful was convinced he could make money betting on horse races. He had been compiling data and research on them for years. He knew that a horse was slightly more likely to win if Doug Handy had dressed its horseshoes. Jockeys in silk uniforms achieved slightly less wind resistance. If three brown horses won in a row, then it was statistically unlikely for a black horse to win in the next race. Random statistical knowledge of the last sort bothered Larry. Gay jockey's can only win on prime numbered days of the month. 'What could that possibly mean,' pondered Larry. It seemed like every gay jockey would lose money for Larry, even if it was a prime numbered day of the month.

After years of practice, Larry was able to boost his average chance-to-win-a-race to 50.3% Obviously the time and effort put into this endeavour was mostly wasted. Larry decided that, even though he enjoyed the process, he couldn't justify risking his hard earned cash. He continued to go to the races, but he would just watch. One day, as he wandered through the stalls behind the track, he noticed that all the horses except one were sick. Better yet, some of the horses had been withdrawn by the Federal Horse Commission due to legality issues. Even better, the one healthy, legal horse was slated to run on the dry side of the track. What an opportunity! Larry quickly rushed to the box office and put $1000 on the golden horse. The clerk informed Larry that, for a small fee, he could insure his bet against loses, so that there was now only an upside to the bet (minus the fee).

Larry won big that day. But for years after that he just hung around, compiling data until he could find that 'sure thing'. All that waiting might have been more boring than reckless betting, but at least now he had enough money to buy that sweet new analog-digital hybrid polysynth.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Big Stock Post

Been telling M. Lydon I was going to do this for a while, and I'm finally doing it.

My plan was to come up with a quick scoring "algorithm" for the fundamental basis of stock value & potential, using 10 commonly-looked at financial variables/metrics that are supposedly correlated with the measurement of a company's "success." (by "success" I mean "stock price increase"). There are many, many more variables that professionals use to analyze the worth and value of a stock, but some analysts use only price charts to decide when to buy and sell stocks.

100 Stock Analysis - stocks from Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P500, Fortune500.

I wanted to make an average "value score" of established, big stocks so I could compare future stocks I wanted to analyze to it, in search of promising companies with potential. I wanted the average score for 100 certifiably good companies to be "100" for convenience, but it fluctuates with the overall market. Here's the list of the 10 components to generate the score ("Value Metric PE", column AA), in order of their weighted importance:

EPS Change (year over year)
EPS Rank (Investors Business Daily)
Estimated Annual Growth
Profit Margin
Sales Per Share
Ideal Growth to P/E Ratio
Ideal Price to Sales Ratio
Insider Ownership
Quick Ratio
Price Ratio to 52-Week High

As I've also recently been working on the charting part of it, I've been trying to implement a combo of what's considered "fundamental" and "technical" analysis -- buying solid stocks at critical moments in time (e.g., at the beginning of an uptrend after a recent downtrend). 
Technical Event Name (worksheet link)

ave. 10-day gain ave. beat 10-day market
Engulfing Line (Bullish) Average
Exhaustion Bar (Bullish) Average
Gravestone (Bullish) Average
Hammer Average
Inside Bar (Bullish) Average
Inverted Hammer Average
Island Bottom Average
Outside Bar (Bullish) Average
Two Bar Reversal (Bullish) Average
Grand Average

Some "Technical Events" are better than others, but they don't necessarily mean anything without "confirmational" signals, such as increases in trading volume, momentum and other measurements of interest in the stock.

But what I've come to learn is, some days all of that preparation doesn't mean jack shit. The market's just gonna do what its gonna do, the bears are going to rip through town and take everybody down with them. I don't know how almost all stocks could be interconnected but they pretty much are and from what I hear this is more of a recent phenomenon... The only way to avoid dependency on the market is by buying low Beta stocks (low market correlation), but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to be a good stock.

Then there's the shorts, the people who get a whiff of fear and cause major price drops by selling institutional shares on loan in hopes they will go down further in the future (assholes). Then there's the old billionaire or millions of other aging investors who have decided they've had enough and are cashing all their shit out at the same time.. It looks like it might be a good time in history to learn the art of short-selling, but knowing my luck shit will reverse course right after I start doing that...

So, every weeknight I have a list of stocks emailed to me that happened to trigger a Technical Event during the day. I look through them, first looking at their current trends (I'm only buying shit in longterm uptrends right now), what happened to the stock that day, and then I generate value scores for the more promising-looking ones, sticking the higher-scorers in a Google portfolio so I can track them. Then when the market opens the next day (3:30 am here), I watch their initial progress, and the overall progress of the market to make sure its not gonna have a decidedly shit day today. If things look decent, I buy the stock from the Google portfolio list that has accelerated the most so far that day.

Then, when my shits fall anywhere from 5-30%, I sell them and buy new ones... And that's how you get reamed in the stock market!!

No, but really.

I've actually only been implementing this entire strategy for a week or so now. I have a rigorous set of guidelines laid out, and its tempting to not follow them or cut corners, but I am gaining disciprine and we'll see what happens from here on out.

If you made it this far and am interested in what I currently have:

ArQule, Inc (ARQL)*
Corinthian Colleges, Inc. (COCO)*
Zhongpin Inc. (HOGS)
HMS Holdings Corp. (HMSY)
ProShares UltraShort Yen (YCS)*

I also wanted to buy the Chinese stock Harbin Electric, Inc., but TradeKing won't let me put the order through without calling them. Its for your own protection, they say.. Maybe its because about 25% of this company's stock is held by short-sellers, which is remarkably high, meaning people think the demand for electric goods in China is gonna tank or something.

Matt Lydon? Are my value metric weights scored copasetically?

What do you hold right now, out of curiosity?

*bought 8/25

Matthew Q. Lydon is up to his old tricks.

He went and "got knives" again...

Monday, August 23, 2010


Fresh randomness, served up hot and piled high: HotBits.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Cleansmanship linked to loss of life, mass devastation

Monthly Cleansmanship Posts vs. U.S. Tornado Deaths

The numbers don't lie. We are obviously causing people to be killed simply by posting on this blog. Somebody probably just got sucked up into a whirlwind right now because of this very post. Not only is graphing data fun, but graphs can be your best friends and senseis.

Next report: how I single-handedly caused 9-11 through a chain of events sparked by poor decisionmaking on my part back in mid-2000.

Why is the world so weird?

whispered Wilfred, as he whipped out his willy and whizzed on the wheat wagon.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Church of the One Reality

Deep down, in the core of your soul, do you feel like you are living your life in a singular reality? Regardless of the possibility of multiverses, we have all managed to co-exist in the same reality for as long as we can possibly remember... There was never any time when you said, "hey dude remember the time Josh disappeared into the multiverse for a while and came back? That was weird."

We are following a most linear path through time which is guided by inflexible, unchanging rules, laws, formulas, etc., and even if we do not know exactly what the formulas are that govern what is happening in our reality at any particular moment, we accept that an absolute truth behind these laws and formulas does indeed exist... for if we did not, we would have no basic principles of knowledge on which to build upon and we wouldn't be able to figure out anything technically advanced at all.

Ergo, at any given time in this universe, there is only 1 reality, only 1 way in which a particular set of events can unfold due to the steadfast and dilligent application of the unbending rules of physics, chemistry, mathematics and astronomy. We can have different interpretations of the same event but when one begins to abandon science, logic and reason in the face of emotion, ego or stoicism, they are indeed abandoning the one reality and not in fact creating a new, equally valid second reality. These realities do not now coexist because only 1 of the realities ever existed in the first place.

So indeed the world is now full of "ghost realities" which only serve to confuse and madden those who happen to cross the paths of their vessels. On the other side, those who have respect for science, logic and education, and are willing to admit when they are wrong and correct themselves in order to perpetuate ideas more closely in alignment with reality are doing a service for humanity by helping to spread true understanding. It is indeed true understanding because it can be used to successfully better oneself by applying it to our 1 reality, of which, of course, there is only 1.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Perfect World: How would you play it?

So, as with poker and many other risks in life, I play my stocks kind of recklessly. I'm about to cut that shit out thought cause its not working and losing me money, just kind of fulfilling an addiction to easy reward-seeking behavior.

But one such stock I still hold is Perfect World, which is pretty much a Chinese rip-off of Warcraft. Their shit is even more simplistic yet almost entirely the same, even though they claim it is based in Chinese mythology.

I was attracted to them because their stock was kind of cheap, they have rather solid "fundamentals" and I heard about how they were expanding in Malaysia and Indonesia, which is over a billion people big. So maybe the dumb-downedness of the game makes it a bit more universally playable, so I was thinking...

Maybe it would be the catalyst that transformed Indonesia into a non-Muslim country, once they realize the benefits of Westernization by riding their level 70 Psychic into glorious battle on a panda...

Heres an excerpt from some humorous reviews I read about them, from Game Ogre:

"fantastic game!! but so many scammer hacker livin here..
but GM's dont have take any action..
also have many blackmarket and duplicator..
i only wasting my money for this game when other make duplicates item.."

The reviews seem to get worse over time, a lotta interesting stuff about how the buy-packs cause a lotta inflation in the game...

They release their earnings next week, and are currently up 7 cents (0.23%) on a day when the market's still below 0, but I've come to learn that doesnt necessarily mean anything at all..

So, do you think they will report bigger numbers or smaller (increasing growth versus decreasing)? I personally dunno, thats why I've been losing money. Its Indonesia vs. the long-time users, we'll see who wins out...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Thursday, July 29, 2010


BADSOCK Educational Services

Tired of being arsed by life? Ready to turn the tables? Consider...

Bernie Asshole Davis 
School of Cock Knockery

Helping aimless mediocrites ascend from squalor since 1645.
Many BADSOCK graduates go on to enjoy fun careers in shitting upon others.
Is society ready for your assflames?
Call us and find out today!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Stock Term of the Day: Short-Sellers


Short-sellers: those who reverse-sell stocks in hopes the price will go down (by borrowing them from a broker to sell now, and pay for later), and who frequently promote economic downfall in order to better their "short positions." Short-sellers have been frowned upon by general trader society for centuries and are regarded as a miserable and cursed lot, hence the widely-used pejorative terms, "coming up short," "he's short," and "fuck short people."

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Don't forget to watch your Madmens

Harry Seaward, moon colonizer and space traveler extraordinaire.

Andromeda Massgain, telepathy expert, ball massager.
Larry Madmens, guru and prophet. This is his show.
The Wonder Trio, guess which one is gay.

No, but really, its a clean show and hard to be disliked if you are a white American male over the age of 20.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Huey Lewis & The Jews

When I was a young lad, I had a circulation of three different primary records which I listened to on 45 vinyl over and over...

1.) Ghost Busters theme song - Ray Parker Jr.
2.) Thriller - MJ
3.) Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis & The News

All of these songs kick ass in their own way, but tonight I'm really enamored by the quality of Huey Lewis. I want to write a parody entitled "Hip To Hurt Bears" which will be way more interesting than "Hip To Be Square".

Listening to Heart of Rock 'n' Roll makes me want to put on my Superman cape and dance around the room.

Monday, July 19, 2010

This is so massy

Cody, tell me this doesn't seem plausible.

Just read this humorous explanation of how they decided to end LOST. Unfortunately, I feel like it's pretty close to the truth.

"This is how the whole thing seemed to pan out to me:


"I'd like to discuss my ideas for this show Lost - remember, the one about the plane crash that is due to start filming next week, but we haven't written a sinlge fucking word for yet? Well, how about it features a totally mismatched cast of characters who end up on this island after the plane crash and, I dunno, they kind of discover each other, but most importantly discover THEMSELVES. Each week, some really crazy shit happens to them, but we don't let the audience know that we don't know what is going on. That'll be the hook, it'll play out like a mystery that builds with each episode... until at the end we reveal th-."

"That they all actually died in the plane crash and are kind of in purgatory-like state?"

"WTF? How did you guess?"

"Actually, sir, half the internet community had already guessed that after they heard we had optioned a show called 'Lost' about a group of plane crash survivors on an island..."

"Shit. What are we going to do now? That was the one fucking single idea we had so far."

"Well, sir, if the internet community think they are so smart, maybe we can let them write the script."

"What do you mean?"

"We'll introduce the main characters in the first episode, then have them experience a load of extremely vague, mysterious bullshit... then by the end of the second episode everybody will be coming up with crazy theories to try to explain the pile of crap they just witnessed - that's how the internet works. All we have to do is check back each week, see what the bloggers have come up with, and base our script around that, being sure to throw them plenty of curve balls along the way. Shoot it as we go along."

"Excellent. Benson, you are a genius. But what about our ending?"

"Ah - well, if you can't go with the original idea, let's do the exact opposite. Get this - they are alive while they are on the island, not dead, but right up until the end they'll keep 'flashing sideways' to 'real ife', and that is actually the purgatory-like state."

"Hurrah - that makes perfect sense!"

Saturday, July 17, 2010

DP #4

Name: Jorel Washington Jr.
Aliases: JuJuBee
Age: 63
Sex: M


Jorel Washington Jr. is a traditional rapist in every sense. Coming from a distinguished pedigree of forced-sex enthusiasts, this raping man's rapist has a keen sense of smell combined with highly attuned night vision--key genetic adaptations which enable JuJuBee to zero in on potential targets.

Once locked on, JuJuBee makes a thorough assessment of the rape-ability of his target. It is theorized that some of the key factors may be:

1.) Quantity and quality of junk in trunk.
2.) Tigness of bitties.
3.) Length and grabability of hair.

It's also suspected that Washington can detect the slightest limp or unsteadiness of gait. This allows him to conserve precious energy by on only pursuing slower and easier prey. JuJuBee tends to loiter outside of clubs, Twilight movie premieres, and any other locations where slutes gather.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Deviant Profile #3

Name: Dick Gears
Age: 60
Sex: M

Perversion Details:

It has been suspected for decades that famous celebrity Mr. Gears enjoys from time-to-time a little known pleasure that could quite possibly be categorized as a form of animal cruelty. That's not the way the animals feel about it, claim Mr. Gears and other like-minded deviation enthusiasts. Mr. Gears vehemently denies the rumors and adds that the public has got it all wrong: he likes to enter the cavities of rodents, and not vice-versa. This is made possible through Mr. Gears' owning of a surreally-sized micropenis which can only be comprehended when seen.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Deviant Profile #2

Name: Dr. Charles Holpert
Age: 53
Sex: M

Perversion Details:

Charles Holpert stalks and abuses females who feel as though they are gay men trapped inside women’s bodies. Holpert desires the gaiety and robustness of man-on-man physical coupling, yet he abhors the male physical form. Holpert has been quoted as saying that “…there’s nothing quite so alluring and intoxicating as a snizz which yearns to be a man-craving johnson. I can see through to the inner cock.” The abuse usually consists of asphyxiation by root beer float combined with a slow and steady buggering of a random orifice. Holpert prides himself on achieving quality randomness via his own personal quantum uncertainty box.

Friday, July 09, 2010

So, uh...

... you guys seen the show Human Giant? It was on MTV for 2 years, and is full of win. I know that's somewhat contradictory, but here you go:

Monday, July 05, 2010

Deviant Profile #1

Name: Gregor Klumschko
Age: 41
Sex: M

Perversion Details:

Mr. Klumshcko is a truly unique specimen who achieves satisfaction only through direct hand-on-genital contact with deceased, prepubescent duck-billed platypodes of the male gender. It is also preferred that at least one ancillary platypus be insert anally, and that this creature, also dead, come from the same litter as the primary platypus.

Editor's Note:

While not so high-profile as celebrity cases e.g. the Ed Harris-Lamprey connection of 1998, Klumshcko nevertheless warrants the attention of project Overlord. Such a rare hybridization of necrophilia, pedophilia, bestiality and homosexuality makes Klumschko an ideal subject for closer study via predator drone surveillance. Use of hellfire missiles may be authorized to erase this abomination from the face of God's green earth.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Each Day Is A Brand New Nightmare.

That's something pep used to tell us as we got ready for school every morning.

On shit days with my stocks, I like to equate what I could have done with the money I lost that day/week.

Today I decided I could have rented a tennis ball machine for 8 hours and been automatically hit in the nuts every 5 seconds.

Not only would it have been cheaper, it would have been more enjoyable.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hot Mops

"One day you're trying to save the rainforests,

and the next, you're chugging cock... You will. Its the way of the world." - Christopher Walken

Monday, June 21, 2010

Big Tune

This guy really knows how to fill a track with filth in a genius kind of way, maximizing usage of waveform space. Don't forget to crank the "p" to 480, it makes all the difference in the world.

I was going to do a post on stocks pretty soon but need to digest some more knowledge first and want to make it good.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


That was such a filthy game, but somehow we came through the squalor with a large win. Ron Artest is ridiculous and unpredictable, but he brought the size tonight.

Monday, June 07, 2010

I hate Ray Allen.

There's just something so annoying about his smug demeanor. He gets the faggiest little smirk on his face when he makes baskets. This makes we me want him to be done.

I'm sure other people feel the same way about Kobe... but in my heart of hearts, I know that Ray Allen is a punk bitch. It hurt me all kinds of ways when he made 7 consecutive 3-pointers yesterday.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

"The End" of Lost

So... what did lord Nodar think of the final episode?


I had originally believed, as I'm sure others did, that the season-6 off-island reality was a parallel universe which had forked off due to the H-bomb detonation. It's now clear that wasn't the case.

If the H-bomb detonation didn't create a parallel universe, did it do anything? It seems that the bomb was just a complete dud, otherwise it would have killed everyone near ground zero.

More Damage

Badmanting by cyrusfx

Hardhitter by cyrusfx

Monday, May 24, 2010

I eat skunk meat. So what?

Red Dead Redemption is a pretty solid game. I like skinning various animals. Once I shot my horse just to see what would happen and lost 50 Honor. Then I skinned him, and took his meat.

Then one time I was trying to help this mulatto feller who was running away from a pack of wild dogs, trying not to get eaten, and I shot him in the back of the head. It was an accident, but I still lost another 50 Honor. At least he had $4 on his carcass. 

Then one other time I got mauled by a mountain lion. That was sweet. Getting drunk in the bars serves no purpose but I do it anyways. The realism is striking.