1. It is imperative that you keep your asshole clean.
2. What you're shitting out isn't what you ate in your last meal but rather the meal(s) before it.
3. Taste be damned: fiber, fruits and vegetables are your friends.
4. A saltwater bath can becalm a fiery asshole or any singed area of anatomy.
5. Trans-fat substitutes are not food and should be avoided, but this already happens in the digestive cycle.
6. Garlic is not only a tasty ingredient but good for your colon and general ass health.
7. Regularity, robustness and roundness -- the real 3 R's for success.
8. A meal filled with grease and alcohol can be offset by a dessert of cheese and milk.
9. Nobody could actually produce a 6-Couric shit and survive.
10. Wash your asshole, with soap and water!
*results tested in a laboratory setting, individual results may differ