Friday, December 31, 2010

It hurts me to say this, but...

Tron Legacy was pretty much a fail.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Fun for the whole family!

Product Description

Confirm suspicions of infidelity of a spouse or significant other, Determine if minor children are engaging in sexual intercourse. Collect evidence that may prove signs of sexual child molestation. Semen Detection Spy Kit uses an extremely accurate testing method called PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen). PSA is one of the major proteins found in seminal fluid and it can also be found in the absence of spermatozoa in the case of men whom have had a vasectomy. Scientists have been able to recover PSA from semen stains as old as 30 years! By using the enclosed Semen Detection Spy UV light you may find suspicious stains that you can test for semen..

Important things I've learned from 32 years on this planet

1. It is imperative that you keep your asshole clean.

2. What you're shitting out isn't what you ate in your last meal but rather the meal(s) before it.

3. Taste be damned: fiber, fruits and vegetables are your friends.

4. A saltwater bath can becalm a fiery asshole or any singed area of anatomy.

5. Trans-fat substitutes are not food and should be avoided, but this already happens in the digestive cycle.

6. Garlic is not only a tasty ingredient but good for your colon and general ass health.

7. Regularity, robustness and roundness -- the real 3 R's for success.

8. A meal filled with grease and alcohol can be offset by a dessert of cheese and milk.

9. Nobody could actually produce a 6-Couric shit and survive.

10. Wash your asshole, with soap and water!

*results tested in a laboratory setting, individual results may differ

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Weekly Obituaries

Geary Unlearned, renowned humanitarian and author of the New York Times best seller, "Why People Are Stupid Pieces of Shit and So Are You," passed away in his sleep last night. He was 13.

Thousands of friends, family and well-wishers gathered around his Philadelphia estate where his body was on display - one hand outstretched to display his middle finger and the other firmly clenching his balls - as according to his last wishes.

Geary leaves behind 8 children, 4 grand-children and 2 great-grand-children, all of which are named Geary, and not actually his children but rather clones of himself.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Is it wrong that I feel we need a wee bit of this?

Strange days in Greece. That shit probably won't happen here for a good 50 years or so, if it does happen.

But still I can't help but think we need a good riot every once in a while to shake things up, to remind us that that we are beasts and there are actually no rules at all, except the rules of nature. And to remind us we are always just sort of passively agreeing to conform for the sake of a functioning society.

Also, the new stupid "reaction" buttons below are for humor purposes only. I will disengage them after the mirth has been spread by a standard deviation.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Best Part of Wall Street 2: the Search for More Money

YouTube has this supertechnology which won't let me embed this clip I uploaded because it automatically knows its from a modern film, but the entire movie (besides the lame family relationship A-story) can be surmised in this sequence.

The setup is that the CEOs of the major banks are discussing how to deal with the financial collapse in 2008, right after Lehman brothers failed. I especially like the crazy old timer and wtf is going on with his whistling.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Selling England by the Pound

I listened to this again today. It was good.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

So, yeah...

That was weird...

But anyway, howabout that Jon Kitna? I'm thinking about dropping Peyton to pick him up, as I feel that dynasty is coming to an end.

Friday, December 03, 2010


I’m slightly worried about some of the CG in Tron Legacy--specifically, the scenes where they show the young version of Flynn, who seems to be the evil nemesis of the older looking Dude-era Flynn. It seems that the plan is to approximate the look of a young Jeff Bridges, but it just looks so synthetic and gooey to me. I suppose I can accept it in the context of the computer world, wherein things might look synthetic by nature, but that doesn’t really hold water because none of the other actors portraying programs have gooey faces like that. Also, the trailer shows a scene where the true young Flynn of the past says goodbye to his son in the real world, and that looks unclean as well. I guess I’ll just have to look past this visual uncleanliness and try to enjoy the heat.

Here’s some of the non-clean stuff: