Saturday, January 29, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

Haiku time

Seen that Wikileaks?
Went over there yesterday.
It was kinda soft.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

How things would be remembered if there were no internet or libraries

2501 AD's Almanack:

JIMI HENDRIX: 1860-1975

Jimi Hendrix was born in America but became a famous black magician in England. He used his powers to do unwieldy things with the guitar that were ne'er done previous, and would not be done again until the likes of Steve Vai. After mastering his craft to perfection with the Jimi Hendrix Experience, he went on a solo tour culminating with him lighting his guitar on fire and disappearing in a puff of smoke, reportedly proclaiming "I'm out, bitches," right before doing so. Though he managed to cast spells over all those who witnessed or heard him in person, he never gained much political influence during his time alive, and only after death did he become the powerful spirit that he is today.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Return of Pee Wee...

Is this project doomed to failure as so many revivals of bygone classics have been, or can Paul Reubens and Judd Apatow blast through the softness and come out hard and gleaming on the other side? If "Big Top Pee Wee" was any indication, Pee Wee sequels are at risk for being filthy and weak. Can any Pee Wee adventure size up to Tim Burton's Big Adventure masterwork?


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Saturday, January 08, 2011

the Kalakaua Ave. freakshow

So, Kalakaua is the main strip in Waikiki, and at night, more and more "street artists" have been coming out of holes to take up valuable sidewalk space and perform near-senseless acts of histriony. Some of the "better" ones have crowds that form around them, causing all the foot traffic to funnel through a narrow area that sometimes comes to a standstill, making me want to punch somebody in the face.

But I don't blame the tourists, really, who have come to relax and get dumb basically. I blame that fuckin' silver robot guy (not that a crowd ever forms around him for long) - but you know, the guy painted head to toe in silver who remains motionless unless you "activate" him by giving him money. First of all, why should anyone give you money for that, and second of all, what the fuck does being silver have to do with Hawaii?!

So here is a list of all the various street performer types that clog Kalakaua on a given weeknight, and their respective, deserved punishments that I'd like to administer:

Homemade Pottery Guy: punch in the face.

Steel Drum Guy: punch in the face.

Breakdancer Guy: punch in the face.

I-Got-4-Parrots-You-Can-Wear-For-Your-Hawaii-Picture Guy: punch in the face, then punch his parrots in the face.

20's-something Magician Guy: punch in the face.

Saxophone Guy: punch in the face.

Basket-weaver and Bracelet-maker: slaps to the face (its not nice to punch chicks).

Peruvian Flute Guy: punch in the face.

Little Singing Girl: an overpoweringly loud "You suck!" during the beginning of each performance.

I'm-Made-Of-Newspapers Guy: punch in the face.

Cartoon Portait Guy: graffiti over showcase, then punch to the face.

Keyboard Coverband Guy: he can stay if he punches himself in the face really, really hard.

Henna Tattoo Guy/Gal: the word "Suck" tattooed to their foreheads, punch/slap to the face.

MC w/ Homemade Beats Guy: punch to the face, confiscation & destruction of any CDRs.

Silver Robot Guy: mock punch to the face, then say, "made you flinch." I don't want to get paint on my hands.

Gold Robot Guy: see Silver Robot Guy.

Angry Black Megaphone Preacher Guy: leave that guy alone.

Really this just came about when I thought how it would be funny to walk around punching street performers in the face, and how I wanted to conceptualize it in a Cleansmanship post.

Monday, January 03, 2011

There was a lawyer...Kobayashi

Sadly, there was a lawyer, but alas no more. Pete Postlethwaite, master of the good, passed away yesterday. Let's all take a moment to be sad about this.