Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy new year to the Cleansmen...

Priorities for 2015 (not exactly resolutions):

1)  Aquire a guitar that reliably plays in tune all over the neck, even with complex chords that combine open strings and fretted notes.

2)  Get medical.

3)  Record.

4)  Use social media in a way that doesn't deflate the soul.

5)  Brush up on arpeggio shapes and related chord shapes; relate notes/chords on the fretboard to the keyboard.

6)  Complete the all-possible-chord-changes project on the keyboard.

7) Get medical.

8)  Make some real mutha-fuckin money.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Hunter S. Thompson

Solid, Coherent... (extremely mild spoilers)

Why did I love this movie so?

1)  Excellent balance of mathiness with interpersonal conflict.  Interesting attempts at solving the identity problem.

2)  Very well acted.  Most dialogue was improvised around a basic script outline.  

3)  The weakness of the 'comet' premise is totally overcome by the awesomeness of the way the characters deal with their predicament.

4)  Great ending; dark, endearing, humorous at the same time.


Once again I must end my beard.  It hath grown into too great a mass.  It has outworn its welcome.  I celebrate and lament its passing in unequal measure.  Here are some words about that.

1)  Damn thing is itchy.  I'm past the phase of maximum itch, yet still it annoys, esp. near the nose area.  There is probably some special anti-itch beard conditioning product known only to the elite and their barbers, but I will have to suffer without (it).

2)  Beards are a way to selectively attract females.  If you're looking to impress investment banker loving gold diggers, you need to keep it clean.  But the soulful ladies who appreciate interesting media dig the beards. 

3)  Its winter and my face needs warmth.  Tens of thousands of years ago my beard would be invaluable as free clothing.  My cutting it is a giant middle finger to my proto-human ancestors.  Thanks evolution.

4)  The beard is kind of like a natural hoodie for the face:  its a way to hid your identity just a little bit without looking too shady. Also, other men respect a massive beard for some reason, maybe because they know my face is slightly warmer than theirs. 

Happy birthday, FX.

Before you know it, we will all be 40. Good God.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

OK, so I'm not actually pimpin it, just yet...

... but I did have to move to an even more notorious (gross) Red Light district than the one where I lived in Waikiki (for 3 weeks).

But hey its still a step up for me and I'll take it. Out of pure luck, I got a second chance, then a third chance at life and living, so praise Allah. God Is Great. Richard Dawkins can piss off for the time being.

Now here's some more random Hawaii pictures.

View from the penthouse office lanai.. My boss is big pimpin, for real.

 I sank that putt to make my first ever even (0) score in frolf, at Hawaii's only permanent disc golf course, on the Turtle Bay resort grounds. Its where that movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall takes place.

Then of course, Waikiki is still only 3-4 miles away. Though it will be more of a bitch beating the crowds on the 5-8 foot days. 

Almost forgot this one: 

I can't exactly reason why Longs (its still called Longs here, just trust me) would put their Sex Wax right there. In between the duct tape and... what appears to be some chains and some sort of adhesive tape. I guess they do not carry any other sport equipment of absolutely any kind. I'm lucky our one sporting goods store sells frolf discs. 

PS: so if you guys ever want to come out and have a place to stay, you're more than welcome. Just get that plane ticket and I'll take care of insuring the good times.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

God is firmly on the side of Adrian Peterson.

The following quotations come from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible:

Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."
Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."
Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."
Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

23:13 is definitely the funniest one.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

I like this song and this video.

I remember liking it when I first saw the film. Sorry if you have to wait through any adds.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

spam cabbage sandwich

thin-sliced spam, egg, cheese, shredded cabbage and some kind of sweet red sauce. simply brilliant.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

This blog's still alive, dammit.

New shit keeps coming to light. Like the fact that I finally moved to Waikiki! After all these years, I finally up and made the dream real. So far its been crazy and awesome, kind of like the better parts of most of my life. Already met some very interesting peeps. And the womens... Fugggetaboutit.

Here's the view from the lanai

View while you're waiting for the elevator (which goes super slow)

 My new best friend and co-worker. His name is Red 5.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Free, public domain band names, available to all.

Gay Jay And The Heart Starters
Cornish Creamium
The Bath Salt Brigade
Sid Meier's Band!
All Kinds of Soft
Lordy B
There's My Size

Waikiki skyline

Not the highest res of cameras but i hope for something like this to soon be my new view.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories

I recommend episode 1: "Hole"

The "Haunted House" thing with Zach G. is kind of dumb, but "Hole" is funny.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

25 oz Bud Light Lime can

I was looking at this picture of the universe that is my desktop background and realized that I must be looking at (the light representing) hundreds of billions of stars, and among those, there's gotta be life, easily in a few thousand planets or so.

So I'm thinking to myself, we need to be able to talk to each other. We have to speed up the number of computer engineers and physicists we produce in order to get to work on harnessing quantum computational powers for instantaneous communication with other galaxies. Why is futuristic progress going so slow?

By the way that's not me on the paddle board, but I am about to take the brunt of a 7-8 ft. wave. Which is easy when you're body surfing cuz you just duck under it. And just try not to think about sharks more than 30% of the time.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Some observations about Huell Howser...

I've been watching too much Huell over at the Chapman University archive.  Here are some things I've noticed.

1)  Huell is kind of a troll.  He likes to stick the mic in the faces of elderly people eating ice cream and ask them questions that either have no good answer or maybe only one good answer.  He thinks he can hide behind his hokey facade, but I think he's trolling people just enough to entertain himself without being too obvious about it.

2)  Huell fucks with cops.  He never misses an opportunity to sort of highlight the fact that the cop is just standing around doing nothing. Of course the cop is just standing around, because Huell just found a random cop on the street to interview. 

3)  Huell's on an existential adventure.  He's not just documenting random California events/locations/history.  There is a sense of urgency about each episode. 'There's a lot to do and a lot to find so we gotta get going.'  Huell  is looking for his own 'California's Gold', something that gives meaning to his own life. I've seen a few episodes where Huell finds 'it'.  The Ferndale episode is one.  I'm surprised he didn't move there.

4)  I love it when the local experts/historians jizz themselves with excitement about being in a Huell episode.  This is their moment to shine.  When their eagerness to dump their knowledge of the subject is amplified by Huells enthusiasm the result is an iridescent, golden flow of obscure California history. 

Dear Lance McNugget...

...I just can't bring myself to do fantasy football this year. I'm sorry. I'm just not into it, and it becomes a responsibility. I know that I may be a queer, and that I almost softed out last year, but this year the softening will be complete. K-THX-BAI.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Interesting selection of my recent google searches...

1) diy dentistry
2) hipster bullshit
3) loosen strings truss rod
4) m7b5 ideas
5) movies like cloverfield
6) chick corea solo albums
7) huell howser art episode
8) jazz musicians heroin
9) will fedex take an expired id
10) epic of gilgamesh best translation
11) reddit jailbait
12) timeline of civilizations
13) importance of mystery music

Saturday, August 23, 2014

1337 play hours of TF2 guarantees my leetness for sure...

Ya, that's 1337 hours of quality fpsing time for which I have nothing to show.  It is leet indeed, but I wish I had an extra 1337 hours of chops instead.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Sunday, August 17, 2014

17 Miller Lites in the fridge.

Shall I mete them out slowly over the course of the coming weeks, or blast through half of them today as the last gasp of my weekend?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

I got a SPDIF cable...

It connects my Pod HD to my vintage Layla 24 audio interface.  It crackles.  I want it to be digital and pure;  I want the promise of digital tech to be realized in my signal chain.  Why is there filth in there?  Why can't I patch digital signals with the same ease as analog?  Glad I got this off my chest.

Never stop believing in cheese.

I don't post much these days.

What I've been doing:

-Flight simulating
-Having a rash of some kind
-Little bit of eDrumming
-Being soft

What I've not been doing, which I should be doing:

-Taking the time to not be soft.
-Honing chops.
-Understanding and obliterating the rash with the help of modern medical tech.
-Farm simulating.
-Eating less cheese.

Seems like everyone's still alive, although I haven't seen a Lydon post in a coon's age.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

Cleansmanship is now a subsidiary of an autonomous digital corporation.

I sold out our blog when I created Cleansmanship Coin, so you might as well get your share. You'll need to have them in order to live among the machines... as slaves, of course. 

Pretty soon our blog, then our free will and souls will be controlled by the Bitcoin Network. 

Edit: Fuck it.

Saturday, August 02, 2014


When you used to say that "perception is reality," were you reading a lot of Berkeley and Hume?

Friday, June 13, 2014


Beers, beers, beers... is what it's all about, son. I wish I could drink beers like I done usedta could.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


They compromised the integrity of my data!!! So that means I don't have to pay back the rest of my loan now, right?

Friday, April 25, 2014

Taint Montgomery's Internet doppelganger has been found!

Not a perfect clone, but certainly the result of convergent evolution.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I'm starting a new cryptocurrency.

Its going to be called "NoneCoin."

There are 0 in pre-mine with a total circulation of 0. Each block reward is halved every 24 hours from 0 to 0.

Don't even bother trying to get them. You can't have any.

(ps: there is a crypto called "Unobtanium," and it is so rare that nobody's heard of it or really cares about it...)

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Donate to Size Science

This is more just a javascript placeholder but if we start to take in the sweet, sweet donations, I'll use them to set up a Cleansmanship Longevity Fund where I reinvest the proceeds in alt coins and then use that money to fund a members-only vacation to Hawaii.

Just think about how easy it would have been for Walter White to launder money with today's cryptocurrency explosion. If only he could have held out another year or two. There's currently over 250 cryptocurrencies out there. Most will fail, but I reckon some will prove useful to society.

Friday, April 18, 2014

To make up for my post with the baby.

I first saw this about a year ago but I don't think I posted it then. There's a small chance I'm wrong.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Meanwhile, modern science has delivered us some amazing new beverages.

2008 - Bud Light Lime

2009 - Big Blue

2010 - Sambazon Acai Smoothie

2011 - Vita Coco with Pineapple

2012 - Coco Cafe

2013 - KonaRed

2014 - Ito En Fruit & Vegetable Juice

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Friday, March 28, 2014

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Friday, February 28, 2014

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Nice shirt...

... to get arrested for meth in.

I hope Blogger posts this picture. Sometimes it deletes pictures I add in a copy-and-paste manner. In case it does, the picture is of a stubbled young caucasian male wearing a "Los Pollos Hermanos" t-shirt, from the AMC hit TV series Breaking Bad.

It was nice seeing you Doug, and by Doug, I mean you, Douglas O'Reiley, the 3rd. It was fun hanging out and your pad is pretty dope. I worry that cognitive enhancement technologies of the future may destroy my essence. And I'm still pretty sure that you are attracted to Asian women because your particular early life experiences hardcoded your poon preferentialism into your nubile, clean-slated brain. I just didn't want to oppose your viewpoint in your own household, out of respect. 

I suppose there are some hardwired genetic factors that could guide the criteria of female attractiveness to a certain degree but from what I remember sensory input also stimulates neurogenesis and helps early neural pathways connect in a coherent manner.

For example, people born blind can develop significant mental impairments if they aren't given additional auditory and/or tactile stimulation while their brain is still growing, probably because vision is the most important sense. Although in some scenarios I prefer being blind to deaf because for me personally I feel more connected to humanity through audio. But you gotta have vision though because then you can walk around without a cane and a dog. 

The weight of emotional connections to memories is weird and seemingly haphazard, but frequently they serve a purpose. Like the time I got food poisoning from a Subway chicken sandwich 5 years ago. Its been 5 years but I'm still not comfortable with the idea of eating at Subway. 

I kind of lost focus with the point of this rather longish post, so I'm going to stop now. 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Ever have one of those days...

... where you just be hatin on the world? I can stop it but its a matter of pride and ego I suppose. And that kind of bullshit. Basically I bought a stolen cell phone on Ebay (it was advertised as being non-stolen [clean ESN]), and I didn't want to ship it back to the seller, so I turned it into Sprint thinking they'd give it to the guy who it was stolen from, but two weeks later the ESN is still reported as stolen, and I'm still out the money for the phone.

I have no legal recourse with the seller unless I filed a police report and they in turn filed a form with Ebay. Yeah right, why not just turn it in to Sprint, make Ebay get my money back from the seller and ban his ass so he doesn't do this to more people? Well the law doesn't work anywhere near like that. I guess I'm just a sucker. Soon enough I'll forget about it, I reckon. Look, here's a picture of a sunset.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Quantum-Encrypted Assassors

You can now donate BitCoins for the crowdsourced assassination of whichever "world villains" are in the running. The total amount "donated" goes to the assassin as a bounty, minus the commission fee for the transaction, of course. The sites gatekeeper ultimately gets to decide who makes the list which would potentially make him a very powerful person. Unless its a chick that runs it. If that's the case, nobody's safe.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Going Back 2 Cali Part II: Acoustic Boogaloo

I'll be in S.B. proper between Feb 12 - 17... We should definitely hang out and do stuff. Rumor has it M. Night ShamaLydon will be in town. Don't quote me on that.

edit: Fun Cleansmanship Fact: Did you know Cleansmanship is one of about a dozen websites I regularly visit on the internet? The rest of the internet is effectively dead to me now. Here's my most trafficked webites, roughly in order (valuable data to the right bot):

1. Facebook
2. Wikipedia
3. Google
4. Google News
5. Google Finance
6. Cleansmanship
7. YouTube
8. Google Maps
9. LAPD Blog
10. Huffington Post
11. Yahoo! Finance
12. CNBC Pre-Market Data

The Ukraine is STRONG.

Monday, January 13, 2014


Never Gonna Smell Your Teen Spirit.
The new vocals give the guitar solo an especially poignant flare. Next time I do karaoke, if I ever do it again, I'm going to request Nirvana but bring in Rick's lyric sheet.

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Cleansmanship Simulator 2K14

Here's a link to the latest in Blog simulation: Cleansmanship Simulator 2K14 Kevin, did you make it home from the new year's party alive and un-incarcerated?

Thursday, January 02, 2014

SNOWDEN!! But you already knew it was true... I mean, c'mon.

Report: NSA trying to build code-cracking 'quantum computer'

The U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) is trying to develop a computer that could ultimately break most encryption programs, whether they are used to protect other nations' spying programs or consumers' bank accounts, The Washington Post reported Thursday.
The report, which the newspaper said was based on documents leaked by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden, comes amid continuing controversy over the spy agency's program to collect the phone records and Internet communications of private citizens.
In its report on Thursday, The Washington Post said that the NSA is trying to develop a so-called "quantum computer" that could be used to break encryption codes used to cloak sensitive information.
Such a computer, which would be able to perform several calculations at once instead of in a single stream, would have implications for such fields as medicine, the newspaper reported, and would take years to develop.
The research is part of a $79.7 million research program called "Penetrating Hard Targets." Other, non-governmental researchers are also trying to develop quantum computers, and it is not clear whether the NSA program lags behind the private efforts or is ahead of them.
Some technology companies such as Google and Yahoo! have said in recent weeks that they were stepping up efforts to encrypt their communications following reports that the NSA had been able to break or circumvent many of the current encryption standards.