Once again I must end my beard. It hath grown into too great a mass. It has outworn its welcome. I celebrate and lament its passing in unequal measure. Here are some words about that.
1) Damn thing is itchy. I'm past the phase of maximum itch, yet still it annoys, esp. near the nose area. There is probably some special anti-itch beard conditioning product known only to the elite and their barbers, but I will have to suffer without (it).
2) Beards are a way to selectively attract females. If you're looking to impress investment banker loving gold diggers, you need to keep it clean. But the soulful ladies who appreciate interesting media dig the beards.
3) Its winter and my face needs warmth. Tens of thousands of years ago my beard would be invaluable as free clothing. My cutting it is a giant middle finger to my proto-human ancestors. Thanks evolution.
4) The beard is kind of like a natural hoodie for the face: its a way to hid your identity just a little bit without looking too shady. Also, other men respect a massive beard for some reason, maybe because they know my face is slightly warmer than theirs.