Thursday, July 23, 2015

Newsflash: The Onion Continues to Win

Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male 

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male. “That poor little guy—as soon as the big one saw the meat, he came over and just muscled him off to the side,” said onlooker Marilou Baker, adding that Samuelson eventually managed to dart in at one point and snatch a bit of celery and blue cheese from the more dominant male. “The huge male just devoured those chicken wings. I doubt there’s going to be anything left for the smaller one but some scraps hanging from the bones.” At press time, Samuelson reportedly let out a pitiful little yowl, paid his bill, and scampered off.

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